Nick's Journal
2004-03-04 23:26:23 (UTC)

Designated Ass-kickers

i figure the world would be in better shape if we employed
some people as designated ass-kickers. basically we get
some of those low self-esteem big ass bouncer guys and
give them a license to give a thorough ass-beating to
anybody who deserves it. naturally we would have to break
people down into categories as to who should deserve an
ass whooping. being the kindly soul that i am, i have
dedicated my time to forming just such a list.
1.)People who drive those electric scooters and degenerate
old ass mopeds on campus sidewalks. if you're puttering
around on something that looks less stable than a latino
relationship, your ass should be thoroughly beaten.
2.) people who fill up their god damn 20 gallon water
bottle at the water fountain. not only is it unnecessary
but it consumes my time and everybody else's, it's just
plain inconsiderate.
3.) fat guys that treat the snack machine like a buffet.
sweet jesus, this guy infront of me today ordered a god
damn 5 course meal. hmmm, let's see i'll start out with
some snickers, then some peanuts, and then i'll go onto
some skittles. i couldn't believe it, he musta spent 20
dollars on that shit.
4.) guys that giggle like girls. i was walking next to
this guy who had this high whiny voice which was really
noxious and then he giggled. he squealed like a girl
getting her clitoris tongued just the right way. hot
damn, you could kick his ass with his own ass.
5.) people who think that their dog is gandhi. every
fucking time i go running i'm chased down my some 300 lb.
mastiff whose owner thinks he's not going to follow his
instinct and destroy the thing that's running away from
i'm being very modest here. i could chew up page after
page, list after list of people who deserve an ass-
kicking. maybe i'll open up an employment agency, that
outsources ass-kickers. i'm gonna call it:
"i'm watchin' your dumb ass and i'm gonna sic a surly dude
who's pissed about his small testicles to come and kick
your monkey ass!"