DayDream Believer
2004-03-04 17:00:57 (UTC)

The new girl

As you know I was on a short holiday, this is what happend
on the boat the first night!
I`ve been thinking alot about what if... with me and my
boyfriend Tommy. Would I survive it?
On the boat, the guys where sitting on the same sloon for
a long time, one of them where verry hot. Maybe I was
playing a show for them, I dunno. But it feelt like they
had noticed me to. With my low selfestem, who is at the
bottom at the moment, I wassnt sure if they where playing
with me or agenst me. It was a lot of sexy girls on the
boat, was they flirting or laughing of me??

Afther a few drinks that evning, I sow them in the bar and
took my sister Karoline with me and accsidently bumped
into them, and we started talking. (at lest my gift of
making easy contact with people is stil there) It turned
out they where from the same country my fathert is from,
and they didnt belive that I was half Duch! But I am! We
talked a bit duch, Im not good since my father would never
tecah us that, everything I know I know from myself.
They where not great in english, but Im good, so it turned
out okey.
They where a lot older than us, in the thirtis. One was
divorced with two children, one had a child and girlfrend
carring number two and the hottie, was single with no
His name was Finn by the way.
I talked to all of them, but was most intrested in Finn,
but tryed to not let is show. Maybe I was selling myself
by flirting, dunno...

Then I got to the computers to check if there was any
messages and Finn came and sat down. He said his friends
had found someone else to talk to, so he figured he would
look afther me. He was the one with the worst english, my
oral english skills are two times better than my writing
skills, with I my self think I suck in. I allmost got a A
in oral english, but got a b witch is not bad that eather;-
He asked if I wanted to go outside, it was frezzing, in
the middle of the ocean in March. He was warming me and
stating kissing me on my head. Maybe it was what I had
been wanting for, hoping for, cause I had been talking of
kissing when we was inside, the all of us. Then he started
kissing me on my face, and I told him that he could not do
I had mentioned two times inside that I had a boyfriend,
but each time it just came out of me since Im so used to
talk about Tommy, and I wished it didnt came out, so I
could play my game.
But Finn had obversly not heard that I had mentiond Tommy,
and wanted to kiss me on my mounth. It feelt so wrong, I
didnt wanted to do that, was a bit suprised my self, cause
I have always belived that I would feel no quilt if I
So I told him to not kiss me, cause I had a boyfriend at
home. And even thought our relationship wassnt great at
the moment, it would not be right to cheat at him.
He tryed a little but more, but I swear, we did not make
out!! No kiss at my mounth at all!!!
Then I figured the safest thing would be to go inside, he
wanted us to sit alone, we did, I had some wather and said
I had to check at my sisters. I found Karoline and said I
was going to bed, the I went straight to our cabin and
hide. The next morning the boat got in the harbour really
early, and since they was travling with car, I didnt got
to see Finn agen, and that was a good thing:-)

Finn was everything I had dreamd on in a man, tall, dark,
good looking, but stil, my hear beat for someone else.
You might think I was stupid, but this was kind of the
Chris situation all over agen, but I dint do the same
mistake. And I dint do it for Tommy, cause he would never
have find out, I didnt do it, cause I couldnt, I didt do
it for me!
So maybe Im a new girl, normally that would be great, but
under these circumstances Im not so sure.. Anyway, I am
who I am right?
I havent toold Tommy about it, Im scared he will take it
the wrong way, but the result is a good result right?