underthelayers

realitY
2004-03-04 03:27:04 (UTC)

i cried tonight

i cried tonight for many things.

I don't know how it started or where it came from but it
came.

it wasn't all sad and it wasnt all happy.

i could feel my heart in my tears.

for you i cried for you alone for you the solitary guide.

You search me out and i find you there. always. always.
and we never grow old. it's deep. it's run deep and will
run deep. always.
You look at me and I'm struck by disbelief that you could
exist. then i'm lost because i can't explain it and can't
obtain it. You're always slightly out of my grasp. one of
us always looks away out of fear the other will read their
mind. and it wouldn't be surprising.. window to the soul
for real. How could that look evoke such emotion?? home
and homelessness all in a second. and the fear always
makes me turn away.

i cried for him as well. I shouldn't but i should
admit it if i do. if i knew better i could do this. but i
dont and it's so far away. and that's hard and ok. not the
same as you. you i can't deal with sometimes. him i don't
want to, but i could live without him. you.
i can't.
it's that simple.

i cried tonight for her. oh dont think that
of me. she doesn't know the reason for life. i want her to
so bad. she wants to. when will it all just come together.
she will call out and you will return it. I know you know
her. you've known her before she was born. in the womb.
and you know her now. you are working on her and searching
her. but the two haven't met. please give her the
relationship. i hate that she would self destruct. with
full knowledge of her actions. but she doesnt know if she
doesnt know you.

she doesn't know and i understood as i stood in the row
beside myself and them. hunched over arms hugging self
with everything i could. be and the way that i was before
and how it's all different now. but how it's all the same
in the hungry need of peace to settle and souls to feed.