The Darkness Within

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2004-03-04 01:24:34 (UTC)

Long Time Ago

A long , long time ago I thought that I knew everything
that there was to know about my small circle of friends.
Since then I have given up on believing in fairy tales. My
one male friend from high school is now gay...never would
have seen that one coming. Especially as we dated briefly
at one point! My best friend in the world is married to a
jack [email protected] who raped me when we were younger and now has
three children with him...her sister, also one of my
closest friends throughout young adulthood, is in a long-
term relationship with an abusive drug addict and has four
children, and my friend from 5th grade throughout college,
is now a drug addict who barely recognizes me...he#$ I
don't know if she even knows who she is anymore!
Irrigardless, despite the many years and tears and issues
that have come between the four of us, I have decided to
have a reunion of sorts. I am sending out invitations to
each friend, and hoping to get a response of any sort from
them. We were more like a family than friends, we spent
every day with one another...well, we lived with one
another..but still from the age of 16 onto roughly eighteen
we were inseperable. Then Chrissy's boyfriend raped
me..she left him though she loved him, my best friend
Hoochie started dating him, they got married, he cheated on
her with Chrissy...obviously the two of them no longer
speak..though it has been at least two years since the
spoken event. Ironically enough though, Hoochie moved in
just down the road from chrissy a few days ago..that should
be interesting! So, on to other friends...more recent, and
perhaps to a few of you, more recognizable characters in
this online saga...Orion and Jenny. So, Jenny is moving
down to live with Orion in just a few months. This time it
looks as if it may actually happen too! How do I feel about
this? Confused. Completely and utterly confused. Let's
face it, if it weren't for me Orion would have been quite
content to never speak with Jenny again, but now I am
supposed to believe that he loves her? My initial reaction
is to think that he is just trying to love her because he
doesn't want to be alone anymore, and she loves him ,and
why not? My gut feeling is the same...but who am I to
judge? Perhaps he came to some miracle revelation that she
and she alone makes him happy...okay, I can't even type
that!lol. I know that he see's no harm in this...after all
she'll never know that he settled for her...she'll be happy
in her oblivios state..she thinks that he loves her...he
does...is he in love with her? Probably not, but perhaps
with time, and either way it wouldn't matter because she'll
never know any differently....and he will be
happy...because he won't be alone anymore, and he'll have
someone to hold at night, and someone will be there at the
dock when he comes home, and he can have that family that
he always wanted to feel a part of, and that will provide
enough happiness for him to make it all worth something,
and she will have the family for her daughter that she
wants with a man that ( for all she knows) loves her, and
she'll be happy. So why am I upset? Simply because all of
this happiness is to the best of my knowledge based on a
false foundation. which is neither fair to her and her
daughter, nor to him. It is self imposed though...so I am
settling back in my "Friend" cushion and just being
supportive. That's me alright. The ever supportive friend.


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