danielle_1723

keeping friends up to date...
2004-03-03 01:54:40 (UTC)

argh...

Okay, so I get a message from my good pal Rae* that I
don't update enough...okay so here it goes...
I got a new job, I started last wednesday. it's an 8:30-
5pm job, mon-fri. and I so love it. It's better than I
could've hoped for and yeah, that's bout it. The people
are awesome, but the job isn't easy at all. It's inside
sales, so I have to learn about different kinds of
bearings, belts, hydrolics, bushings, pully's, etc. it's
just in general going to take a while before it all
finally sets in. But all in all, I really like it there
and am definitely enjoying myself.
As for my last entry, things are definitely better. Amanda
called me on Sunday night and we had a pretty good convo.
Then she says "Lelle, I love you, but I have something I
NEED to talk to you about...I was hoping I could actually
takl face to face, but since that rarely ever happens, I
may as well tell you now and I need you to be honest with
me..." so naturally, I think the worst, someone told her
how I felt, that somone namely being either Rae* or Sarah
because they are the only two that know...but I was
praying that that didn't happen...Rae because she doesn't
talk to her and Sarah because I trust her and hope that
she wouldnt' say anyting...so ANYWAYS...she tells me that
Karl told her that he really likes her and wants to take
their friendship further...well it was, I'm not going to
lie, a punch in the gut. But the thing is, I know that I
would never date Karl because we're friends, it'll do
nothing but fuck things up and I'm not really up for that
kind of downfall when things are looking so good for me
right now, and I KNOW I don't want a relationship with
ANYONE right now...so anyways, she says that she wanted my
opinion, she told Karl, I was a little upset about this,
that she couldn't do anything until she talked to me
because she really values my friendship, and wouldn't want
to hurt me...well that hurt me right there. I was a
little bitter that she basically used my name as an excuse
because of the way I felt about Karl to basically give
herself a push away from him. She said that she doesn't
like him in that way at all, but doesn't know how to tell
him...well fuck, don't use my name to get you out of it,
you know? So I DID tell her that, I told her that I can't
be used as an excuse because this has nothing to do with
me, I won't lie, I was hurt by it, but I would never dis-
own them as friends. I would never want Karl or Amanda to
miss out on something serious because of me, I would get
over it, believe me. But then what happens if they break
up? It breaks up a lot, not just them. Then Amanda
wouldn't be able to hang out with us on a regular basis
because Karl would be jealous of anyone amanda touched
when we go out, or vice versa because they are the same
when it comes to this kind of situation, look what
happened with her and Mark...:|...I don't want to go thru
that all over again. But regardless, I'm pulling away
from them for a reason. I talked to Jonny too on Friday
night, and he told me that he was coming up to see his mom
on Saturday,so I said,well if you're going to be up here,
why don't you and I hang out saturday night, you can stay
at my dad's house...know what he said?? My BEST friend
talking...tells me, no, I hate o'ville, I say, so?? It's
for one night and we NEVER hang out anymore! you'll come
up when Tara asks you to (joking...**Tara and Jonny have
an on and off again sex friendship) he tells me, yeah but
when Tara invites me up, I know I'll get some, I won't get
any hanging out with you...WTF? I am soooo upset about
that comment. I so didn't think that was fair, I
literally got off the phone with him and I refuse to talk
to him again till further notice. I was PISSED. On
Valentines Day, he had made plans with his ex sarah, whom
I love to pieces, but he wasn't sure if they were final
ornot, so I said to him, because we're supposed tobe best
friends, well if you and Sarah don't do anything, let's
hang out and have an "anti-valentines day" together, he
says to me, oh I can't do that, if I don't go out with
sarah,I"m going tohang out with tara,if I don't hang out
with tara THEN we'll do something. I'm sorry, but my
friends are NEVER last resort to me, so when I become last
resort to someone like Jonny, who is supposed to be my
best friend, tells people he's my best friend, doesn't
really seem like we're best friends. And in all honesty,
I'mm so mad at him right now for so much more it's
insane. I just hate being caught up in so much drama, I
wish that having NO friends wouldn't be so
depressing...mind you, I"m starting to think that having
as many friends as I do is even more depressing then not
having any at all...go figure...
There....caught up on the maddening things....lol




Ad: