hunni

hunni
2004-03-01 01:00:54 (UTC)

today i havent talked to her and i really dont think im gonna!

Well ive been home most of today except when i went to town
to go grocery shopping for my mom but that only took like
45 minutes and nobody called while i was gone! i dont know
why but i think that my realationship is slowly going down
hill. see on the outside everyithing is fine but everyonce
in a while i think that there is something that toya is
keeping from me or doesnt want me to know. i dont really
know what im trying to say but what the hell do i know
maybe its just the fact that i really cant see the bright
side in things lately. Maybe im setting myself up for
nothing everythings is probably just fine its just like she
said things take time and maybe this is a relationship that
is supposed to take time.
I dont really know what i would do with out her she is so
beautiful and so funny and so georgeous and everything i
could ask for...but she says things to me that make her
even more special to me but at the same time even more
mysterious. Usually i am very good at figuring out what
people are up to ot what other people are thinking but with
her its like pulling teeth, its so hard to get anything
outta her weather it be good or bad!
The things she says to me and the words she uses may in
fact be simple but coming from her the ‘hidden meaning’
that is there weather you put it there or not is so hard to
figure out. For example the other day I wore a fresh white
tee and she insisted on writing on it. First is was
just ‘toya’ on the front then it was ‘toya’ and “Big T’ and
then she got a lil bit carried away her and felicia started
writing all over the back and the sleeves. ‘Toya’s
Property’ was written all over the back and felicia
wrote ‘no toya’s just her pimp’ then toya wrote ‘yeah she
is my ho ho ho!’
When it comes to me being her girlfriend its like im either
her ho or she is my pimp and that s how its gonna be. There
is no she is my girlfriend or were dating or yeah this is
my girl. I can hardly get her to call me anything but my
first name when were with friends! I mean she wont even to
the nick name thing (which is hunni). The closest I get to
anything is my middle name and that’s only when she’s
trying to show people that she’s got me in check and let me
tell you things EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SHE DON’T! I’m saying
even Frankie pointed it out I say ‘Toya come here’ and she
comes and says ‘yes baby’
(* Those were Frankie’s exact words too!*) I don’t know I
love her more than I thought I ever would. And lately the
words that frankie told me have been goin through my head a
lot. Before me and toya got together she said “toya’s a
pimp, so a lil bit of advice don’t fall for her because I
don’t wanna see you get hurt”. I don’t wanna get hurt again
especially by toya that would be the hardest thing that I
would have to deal with right now and I cant handle that
because I care about her a lot I really do. I get people
tellin me all the time: *she talkes about you all the time,
she wont go anywhere without your picture, she cares about
you a lot she told me herself she does*. I never know if
they are just tellin me that because they know ive been
trippin over this for a while. But im still yet to figure
out what to do about her. The bottem line is: I care about
toya and everyone knows that even her, but I don’t know if
she feels the same way about me. I know that she cares but
I don’t know if she cares about me as much as I care about
her!
Well on to something else...The baby is really sick today
she has a 104.2 temperature and we just cant seem to get it
to go down! i just want her to get better cuz i know that
she feels miserable!i felt bad for her so i bought her some
new toys at walmart today and that made her fell a bit
better!
WEll on to more exciting things ...I DONT HAVE TO GO TO
LAKESIDE ANYMORE. I know that sounds so dumb but hey im so
happy I don’t have to leave my friends and im so glad I
only told a few people so I don’t have to explain why I was
gonna go and why I don’t have to go now!! Im so happy
that’s the only thing that I can find to smile about at the
moment except for the fact that ima take Karris advice and
go take a really long bath with bubbles and smelly bath
fizzers and the lights out and only a few candles lit! I
cant wait that sounds so sensual and so relaxing, just
laying there wearing nothing but bubbles all alone ( hey it
would be better if I could share it but hey what can you do
right) you don’t get everything you want.
Oh I had yet another dream last night this one got stopped
right at the part that I wanted to know too! Well to make a
long story short I was getting married to my baby toya and
everyone was there her mom, tee tee, precious, her step
daddy, her brother, my family, our friends like: felicia,
and shannon, and beth, karris, and even ciera, celena, and
peachez! Well it was the classic wedding scene where the
minister has just said “ if for any reason you think these
two lovely ladys should not be joined in holy matrimony
speek now or forever hold you peace.” And Frankie comes
running up the red carpet and she screams No you cant get
married because im in love with… then I woke up!!
Great place to stop a dream hu!! Well that’s enough for now
I have to give the baby a bath so ill write again when I
get another chance –k-
Peace and Hunni forever




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