a little piece of me
2004-02-29 23:03:48 (UTC)

jessie, church

i talked to mary today. i called because i hadn't heard
from jessie in a while, and there's all kinds of turmoil in
uganda right now. i was a little worried. anyway, mary
said jessie is happy as could be. she said all the
trouble is still pretty far away, and she's not concerned
about it. it's hard to believe she's been gone a year
already. a year today, actually. wow. she's got 1 year
and 3 months to go. that's such a long time. mary is
going to visit in august. so are joe and jen. that should
be pretty cool. i'm going to send a goody box along.
well, i should anyway. i keep saying i will, but don't. i
don't have any idea what to put in it though! sweet tarts
for sure lol. i'm just glad she's ok. i wish she'd hurry up
and come home, though!

i think i made a big mistake today. my mom invited me
down for dinner at the church. i said no at first, then i
decided to go because we're low on money...i know
that's pathetic. but, i got lunch for free, and turtle's
dinner tonight for free, too. my dad got on me as soon
as i got there about not showing up for church. i don't
know how many times i have to tell them that i'm not
going to go to church! that's not for me. i don't believe
in organized religions. i guess he thinks if he bugs me
about it enough, i'll give in. i just wish they could
respect my beliefs. i let them have theirs. very
frustrating. one of these days i'll grow the balls to tell
him to fuck off. if i could just move away from here, i
think i'd be ok. i need to get away.

nin's closer was just on the radio. i love that song. i
can't help it. i'm in the mood for manson. i have been
addicted to manson forever, but even more so since his
concert. it takes a strong person to be like that. he is
himself, no matter what anyone says. i wish i could be
more like him. it sucks that my two passions are on
opposites ends of the spectrum. i can't have them
both, and i'm really starting to resent having to chose
between them. on the one hand, i've never been
happier taking care of the baby birds. but then i feel like
i'm lying when i go to work wearing a green sweater
and blue jeans. that's not who i am. i miss my
piercings. my spikes. my black hair. i wish people
would quit focusing on such trivial things as
appearance. i would work just as hard looking like that
as i do now. maybe one day...