Brad`s Journal
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2004-02-28 13:59:27 (UTC)

I am Scared of something i thought I would never be scared of!!!!

Yes I am admitting that I am scared of something other
then my HUGE fear of Dying. I am Scared of this thing
called a relationship. It just scares me to all hell. In a
relationship I never knew there were so many emotions. Well
I am finding that out with my current relationship with My
Girlfriend. Now don’t get me wrong she is the sweetest
thing sense Candy and I Love her with all of my heart. But
I am Afraid that I will loose her (i.e. Breaking up) that
would just kill me I don’t know what I would do. I know one
thing and that’s that I cannot live without her in my life.
I never thought a relationship would have this much of an
emotional impact on me. Her and I live in two different
states. She lives in Michigan and I live in Ohio. Sure
they’re right next to each other. But that is one hell of a
drive to make it wear you out. Sometimes my body can’t
handle it. There are times when I am too tired to make it
up there to Michigan. But My Love for Christin gives me the
energy to make it up there. I will admit it is very hard
having a long distance relationship. Now sure were only an
hour away but it’s still a long distance relationship. You
worry about shit that you don’t usually worry about. For
example, if she is going to cheat on me, if she’s telling
you the truth, if she is going to break up with you, and
the two main ones if she is getting tired of you, and if
she still Loves you. I have worried a lot and I have had a
lot of stress over these things and I still do. It just
stuff that is in the back of your mind that you can’t get
rid of. No matter how much you want to and try to they just
stay there in the back of your head making you worry and
stress out to the point where you just break down and get
depressed. Now that is another subject living in two
different states is very tough seeing as we only get to see
each other once or twice a week. Now I think about her all
the time. I can’t stop thinking about her. How Beautiful
she is. How She brighten up anyone’s day with her smile.
She is an Angel sent from up above. She is caring and kind.
All of those things make me miss her when I can’t see her.
Then I get all depressed and it sucks. I have Fallen deeply
in Love with Christin and I am still Falling as we speak.
But I am still scared that something is going to happen to
mess our relationship up. I don’t know what it is but it
just a feeling. I hope I am wrong cause Christin is the
Girl or should I say Women that I want to marry someday...

* These are just the feelings and thoughts Of Brad They
are not intended to hurt or anger anyone. If they did I

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