phoebe

My Journal
2004-02-28 04:58:17 (UTC)

Almost vacation

My essay is coming along slowly. How can I possibly begin to
tell someone who barely gives my application more than 15
minutes notice a glimpse into who I am and how much this
internship would mean to me? This becomes an increasingly
frustrating task. I need to break out of here. I'm in a huge
city and I feel really alone. I want to go to London so
badly that it's all I can think about. It was the same way
with Boston a few years ago. I want to be somewhere else and
start over again. I want to reinvent myself and create
someone I'm happy with. I want ambition, success, and the
feeling that I've done the best I can. I don't always feel
that way about myself now even though I know sometimes I
truly am working the top of my game, but no one looking at
my transcript will ever see that. They'll see an average
student. Nothing special. I know I'm smart. I know I'm hard
working. I wish it translated so easily to paper like it
seems to for others. I know that's materialistic and
shallow, but let's face it, this isn't the place where
people care if you have good character.

I don't know where this is going. I just needed to get this out.

Mood: Frustrated
Music: The Human Game-Lisa Gerrard




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