passnpalcechica1

Maggie Mae
2004-02-27 13:12:04 (UTC)

Frustrated self-pity

I have been thinking,(which I really shouldn't do
becuase it usually messes me up even more.) and I have
come to the conclusion that people, In general, love me.
I am in no way trying to sound arrogant or conceited...I'm
merely sharring my thought patterns...and isn't that what
this is for?
Now, most people would assume it's a good thing that
people love you, but in alot of ways it's not. People end
up putting you on a pedestal you don't deserve and can't
get on by yourself. I'm not afraid of heights, but I'm
terrified of falling off that pedestal. I've slipped a
few times and it's scary, and yet.....people always seem
to push me back up on it. Even when I feel unloveable, no
one seems to allow me to be normal, human...I just want to
cry a little, scream a little, be horribly mean and have
people hate me for it. You're probably thinking I'm
crazy..."she want's people to hate her!" But I'm not, and
I'm being serious. There are times when I honestly feel
like I'm treating people like crap, and still no one seems
to blame me for it. I have manners, I've been taught what
is right and wrong, what is rude what is polite....I know
the difference. So I know when I'm treating someone like
crap...I don't intend to hurt anyone, but I'm not perfect,
and it happens sometimes. So why won't people hold me to
it? I know I should be carefull what I wish for...I could
dislike being hated more than I dislike being loved. I
suppose it's nice to know that no matter what I do people
will love me, but...why? That's all I can say...why? I'm
not really looking for an answer..I just want to send this
question out into cyber space.
Not only that, It's lonely on that pedestal. I don't
want to be high above everyone, I want to be down amongst
them. I know it's less likely that someone will climb up
onto the pedestal with me. I'm not even gonna hope it
will happen. I'd like to thank people for appreciating me
and all I am capable of, but please don't make me out to
be more than I am. I know I'll never really acheive the
heights people put me to. And if you think I'm being
conceited, thank you for allowing me to be normal and have
flaws! I love life, please don't make me hate it.




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