Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-02-25 22:41:52 (UTC)

Zodiacs

It's 529pm. The afternoon of this day fades into the
recesses of my memory, and soon will disappear from our
consciousness into the eternal void of obscurity. However,
I will put into storage, this thought I had from this
afternoon, a thought I believe carries importance. A
thought, that I believe deserves to live, just a bit..
while.. longer.

My obsession with the human condition has forced me to
study as many fields as I can reasonably comprehend.
Astrology is one of them. As a student of western
disciplines and eastern thought this would probably be an
exercise in foolishness. Nonetheless, I attempt to study
all such arts in hopes to attain a much purer
understanding of that which I live in. I guess that could
be debated. How does one acquire a purer perspective by
studying garbage? Well I guess that can be debated later.
Although the part of me that realized that this was
probably rather frivolous and a waste of time, I soon
found was.. interestingly enough very similar to
astrology. You see, it has come to my attention as I read
about myself.. a cancer... about Mel, a libra... and about
the numerous other astrological signs that they all seem
to be fitted into a mould.

For example it was said that Libras were considered the
most civilized of all zodiac signs. The cancers were
brooding and insecure. The libras were great diplomats,
compromisers and loved image above all things. That they
did not like arguments, and felt uncomfortable around them.

As I read this it dawned on me the possibilities that I
had failed in keeping a relationship with Mel. I thought
this and realized that I was insecure and was not
compatible.. That I was brooding and insecure inside. As I
read this, I saw myself in the description of cancers.

It then dawned on me the unique aspect of me which I had
failed to notice while I read this short article on
Cancers. I failed to realized that in the many years I
have been alive, I was something of mutated Cancer. I was
capable of seeing things that people can not see in
themselves. I was capable of noticing patterns in social
development, that people usually study and research for
many years.

I saw that I was not merely something that fits a mould.
Rather, I was a more adaptable and a different kind of
zodiac. To fit me in a mould like that would have been
trying to fit a square into a peg opening.

It reminded me that I must not forget who I am, and what I
have become. The things I am capable of, the frightening
potential that I possess inside of me. The potential I
have come to learn on my own, without the guidance of
another. It has made me more confident about who I am,
because I am not more aware of what ... I am.

The article reminded me that, I am not part of the mould
anymore. I have become something... much different.
Liberated, as you could say. And although perhaps, I
possess primary qualities which can be associated with a
Cancer, ... it just merely means I am disposed, but not
controlled by such factors.

An article which was meant to bind me to a set of laws and
qualities.. has interestingly enough made me more aware of
the fact that I do not on the whole, fit such qualities.
In it's attempt to bind me, I have become more... aware
that I am not part of this... mould.

What am I? Who am I? ...

...these questions hardly seem relevant now. But if I were
to be forced to give an answer, I would respond with I am,
that which I am. I can be nothing more, and I can be
nothing less.




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