DiNaH says...
2004-02-23 12:56:46 (UTC)

mourning has broken

yes it is mourning, not morning. i am in a stage of
mourning for losing my father. as you have read in my
previous entries, i mentioned his being sick and all. and
last feb 13, at 8:15 in the evening, he died... thank God
it was peaceful. finally, he's in the hands of his Creator.
no more pain to endure, no more sufferings. he's happy now,
i know.

but just the same, as everyone loses a loved one, it's hard
to move on. it's hard to leave my mom in a big house full
of memories. but i have to continue my life and accept that
i've already lost my dad.

his loss proved me how much i was loved by many. others, i
didn't expect to come, showed up. as for others who did
not, but texted their sympathy, i was still thankful. but
for others who never said anything... God bless them. they
have reasons anyways -0- whatever that is.

my mom told me to choose the coffin for my father. and i
was like whoah! i can't! but the daughter in me followed
her. besides i was an only child and there was no one who
wanted to do it.
after my cousins and i got home, i locked up to my room and
texted a few friends and then... i brokedown. i cried so
much, my cousin ate lalaine and my mom were alarmed.
i couldn't stop. the fear that was long kept inside finally
screamed out loud! i was so frightened i thought i was
going insane. when finally they were able to unlock my
door, and convinced me to cool down... i was calmed. and i
asked for ice cream. at around 12 midnight, my cousins
drove to tagaytay to buy ice cream. thank goodness there's
seven eleven, or else, i don't know what would calm me down.

but as for now, i won't be eating ice cream until my
laringitis is gone. i was voiceless since saturday, at my
father's burial.

tommorow i have to continue with my life and start to pick
up myself. but let me mourn and be sad from time to time.
as a new friend said, "sometimes mourning 4 d loss is
importnat in letting go. d best 2 remember them is honor
their teaching and values they taught us." he was the only
one who ever said that. all of the people around me told me
to be strong. they even tried to stop me from crying --
only i could not because well, i guess i was born to cry!