Xx Millie xX

Life Is For Living, Rite?
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2004-02-21 23:09:12 (UTC)

A Note From Gez

Just a note to say that, if I was indeed a figment of LJ's
imagination, I would ask that I have a bigger chest, longer
hair and a thinner waist, and maybe the father of my
children around. But since I have asked her for these
things and they have not materialised, I am only led to
assume that I do indeed exist in the real world. If I did
exist only in LJ's mind then I'd be a pretty messed up
And speaking of Charlie, now we're on the subject. If you
doubt my existance, then you doubt my childrens, and
although that pisses me off slightly because I did not
spend 36 hours in excrutiating agony for some hotshot to
tell me it didnt happen. But if you doubt my children you
doubt their father. And thats not the smartest thing in the
world to do round our L. Charlie is important to her, hes
like, big brother figure. She idolises him, looked up to
him more then God. And why not, Gods treated her pretty
crappy, but Charlie never.
When she rings me she talks about her beloved college
friends all the time. Phil did this, Slug said that, Todge
jumped on me, so on and so forth. But everytime she talks
about what she did its always, they thought this, or they
disagree with this, or they said this. But she still
idolises you all. And I dont get it. But my mate Daniel
figured it out.
He says shes trying to replace Charlie, and by the sounds
of it Id say shes doing a pretty bad job of it. You dont
truly understand what LJ went through, and you never truly
will. You want her to stop being so jumpy and possesive,
but she cant help it. After what Tom and Rob did to her,
she has this notion in her head that it is not possible for
two people to meet and feel the same about each other. And
I admit, when you look at the probability its really rather
astounding that it happens, but I still believe it can. She
doesnt. And if you dont believe in true love, therefore you
believe that if you like somebody, and they claim to like
you the same back, one of you is lying.
I'm not going to sit here and pretend LJ's perfect, because
I know she isnt. Her constant lack of self-confidence can
get annoying, especially as I would kill for eyes like
hers. Her never ending search for a boyfriend is, quite
frankly, worrying and desperate. Even though I really cant
see the attraction with half of them. Thay all look like
sheep, in my opinion. Anyway...
I know she has faults more then anyone else. But I also
know the girl she was before. The girl who helped someone
pierce their own nose. The girl who convinced Charlie to
climb into my bedroom window with her so we could celebrate
my sixteenth because I got grounded. The girl that told a
guy somebody who looked like a cross between a pigeon and a
semi-stylish Harry Potter shouldnt insult people. Sometimes
I want her back. But she isnt coming back.
Like it or not, and believe me I dont, the LJ we have is
the LJ we've got. And although she may get help and someday
be a happier bunny. But for the moment she is who she is,
and I dont think penalising her and telling her shes
surreal and wierd and attention seeking, or lying, is going
to speed up the proccess anymore then yelling 'YOU ARE
HAPPY!' in her ear will.
I asked LJ not to tell anyone where I lived, or what my
phone number was. And from what I gather shes kept that
promise, no matter what people said about her.
LJ is not happy. I'll admit she is a very disturbed,
unhappy, damaged little girl. But when you've been through
what she's been through you can hardly be expected to walk
out with a huge smile on your face and be the same person
you were when you walked into it.
There is something wrong with her. I'll admit that too.
There is something desperatly, horribly, sickeningly wrong
with her. There is something going on in her head that I
dont think the rest of us could stomach if we saw it. For
example, dreaming you saw yourself die is not normal. But
it makes you wonder how disturbed she is, and why.
Lets see. She gets beaten to a pulp, physically and
emotionally, by a guy who treats girls like his own
personal property.
She loses her big brother to that guys sister, who lies and
eventually tells him she has AIDS, but when its too late.
She has a four year long obsessive crush on a guy who finds
it funny and eventually turns her suicidal.
Then she has a highly disasterous affair with his fourteen
year old brother (who was fucking gorgeous I'll admit, and
taller then her) and got into a major scandel with that
one. He has his way with her then ditches her when his
brother threatens him and tells him to leave her well
She looks forward to her prom night for most of her school
life then completely wrecks it, breaking down (and up) as
soon as she sees Rob, smashes a mirror and disappears.
Shes been pulled back from suicide by me, Charlie, Daniel
and once even Atty had to do it.
She opens up to Huw (twat) for the first time and gets
ditched a week later.
Some stupid prick dumps her after a weekend.
And the list goes on. But heres the scary part guys. The
more times she gets ditched the worse shes going to get.
And theres only one person I know that could ever talk any
sense into that mixed up, confused, warped little girl. But
heres the problem.

Hes dead.

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