Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2004-02-21 10:24:42 (UTC)

Random Inexplicabilities

It was opening night for Luis and Lyndsay in Candide
tonight. It was really good, and really cute. Luis and
Lyndsay both do an amazing job with their respective parts.
I am really impressed with both of them.

I felt a little bummed because the part I was called back
for but didn't get...they ended up altering the song to
make it easier. I guess I am a little bitter that they cast
someone who couldn't do it the way it is written. It's
really supposed to be the highlight of the show. But
otherwise, I really like the girl who got the part. I think
she is doing a good job.

I have my MRI on Sunday. Everything will be fine. There is
nothing wrong with me, and I will have a long and healthy
life, filled with love, friends, and laughter. That's what
I've decided. I will spend my days singing. Then one fine
day, I will get married, in a beautiful white dress, and I
will look beautiful because I'll have lost those damn 35lbs
by then...and then someday, I'll have a little baby girl,
and name her Aurora. And a little boy, named Eric, after my
grandfather.

A dog. I'll have a dog. I'll have wonderful neighbors, and
I'll work with charities, and read good books, and learn
how to knit again. I'll spend some time in Tuscany. Life
seems pretty amazing in Tuscany.

I'll have blonde hair again. I'll eat good, healthy food. I
won't cry very often, or very much. And when I do, it will
be out of sympathy, or understanding, or out of happiness.
Nobody will ever shrug their shoulders at me dismissively,
or think that what I have to say is stupid. People will
respect me, and treat me well. I will respect people, and
treat them well. An ill-timed dismissive shrug can feel
like the end of the world, without it being anybody's fault.
I'll be able to make myself understood without having to
speak. People will understand, even when I don't know how
to say things. And they won't walk away just because they
don't understand.

Everything will be fine. On Monday, life will carry on as
usual. There is nothing wrong with me.

Today was Luis' and my two year anniversary. I guess most
people don't think anniversaries are important unless you
are married. I think they are important regardless. To me,
today wasn't just another day. I thought about where we
were two years ago, in the Old Navy parking lot. In fact, I
went back and read some old journal entries. I thought
about how nice it felt that on this day, two years ago, out
of everybody, Luis wanted to be with me. That, to me, can
never be "just another day."

It's been about a year and a half since we got engaged.
Maybe that should be the more remarkable anniversary in the
grand scheme of things. But it's not. In fact, the day we
got engaged, doesn't hold a candle to that afternoon in the
Old Navy parking lot. I can't explain it.

Then again, I guess I don't have to.




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