Xx Millie xX

Life Is For Living, Rite?
2004-02-20 19:38:02 (UTC)

Dear Charlie,

There are times when I sit and wonder why you're the one
that died, when at the time I was the one hell-bent on self
destruction. I wonder whether there's a sign in there for
me somewhere, but then life gets complicated and difficult
all over again, and without you it justs seems a whole lot
worse.
Take Rob and Tom. If you hadn't been here then I don't know
where I'd be right now. Dead, would probably be the main
option. I know Gez and Daniel are still here, and I have
other friends now, but it isn't the same. It never will be.
Gez lives in America and spends the majority of phonecalls
prancing around after Kay, Lol and Ann. Daniel does the hot
chocolate chat like a dream, and the rest are great at
boosting confidence, but it isnt the same.
I miss you Charlie. More then anything else in the world.
When people say they'd give anything to have something,
it's difficult to imagine they truly feel that way. But I
know what life is like with you, and I know what life is
like after you, and I dont like it at all. I'd rather be
with you, no matter where you are, then stuck here with
whatever pathetic life I have ahead of me.
I'd really like to talk some more, but I cant find the
words to tell you how much I love you, so I hope you
remember this.

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when your not here
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away, I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when your not here.

I sang it at your funeral, like you asked me to. Even
though I told you I couldn't sing, you insisted I do it. I
couldnt let you down, not when you were led there arranging
your own funeral at eighteen years old. So I did it. Nobody
else knew I could sing. It was only that song I managed to
do. But others have followed Charlie. I've learnt to sing a
whole load of other songs, but nobody knows. It isnt that
special a talent people would find incredible. But you
thought it was, and being asked to sing a song like that at
your funeral was heartbreaking, but I felt special. You
always make me feel special. Even when you died.
But what do I do now? Im told these things have a way of
working out, but Im still waiting for the working out to
start. Maybe it will, maybe it wont. But it doesnt matter,
because whatever happens in my life, sooner or later I'll
end up with you anyway. And wherever that is, as long as
your there, I'll be happy.

I love you Charlie.

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