lonely butterfly

FunGuS * aMOunG *uS
2004-02-19 22:31:11 (UTC)

BlaCk ToP RoAd...

So, my mother is finally letting me drive. I guess she
figured..Id do it behind her bck with HER car anyways, so
she now gave me permission. So far, its only to the places
I need to go, Wal-Mart,Walgreens,and HEB, to pick up Kaleub
from school. I dont NEED to go anywhere else. I kinda like
to just ride around...THINK...Especially today. I had to
drop off film and pick up Kaleub. I drove kinda slow I just
THOUGHT.. Robert called me right before I had to
leave. Like 20 min. before I had to go. He called to ask me
if it was STILL an option for me to move in with him. I
told him NO. I was going to move out with who I wanted to
move out with, and he wasnt an option. He read me something
he wrote a couple of days ago. I cried.ONLY because I was
thinking about Ashley. I was thinking of how much she loves
me. I was happy becuase she loves me so much. I couldnt ask
for anything better. I am so happy that god gave her to me.
I would never do anything to lose her. NOTHING...Anyways,
Robert made me cry AGAIN. This time for some reason,
he cried too. It usually ends in me saying something to him
and making him pissed and cry. He asked me if I could EVER
give him another chance.
"Do you think it would ever be possible for you to love me,
the way I love you" I asked him if it was ever possible for
him to love me if I slept with countless people while we
were together?, Would it ever be possible for ME to forget
how fucked over I got when I FINALLY trusted ONE person.? I
couldnt help but cry. I wanted to kill him for
asking me that, for MAKING me remember the most shitty days
of my life. I had already FORGOT everything. I was doing
PERFECT just thinking we had been "FRIENDS" Like we are
ONLY FRIENDS, and THAT IS ALL. He was Eli, and I was my
mother. FRIENDS. But NO, he had to bring up all he shit I
worked so hard to forget. God I hope Ashley has a great
day. I hope her cap and gown things are going to follow
through... I am so sorry I made you miss this important
day,I just got so caught up in the pefect morning. Thank
you again..I'll smile for the rest of the week because of
her.I love you Ashley..
On a worse note, Robert wants to pick me up and go shopping
for baby things and my driving test. I still dont think its
a good idea for him to come over. PLUS He told me he took
off just for MY birthday WTF??!! He NEVER.... NEVER FUCKING
ONCE remembered MY fucking birthday. not once in 3 fucking
years...And NOW, Im supposto just drop my plans b/c he took
the time to request off...yeah..ok.right...
I dont mean to be all bitch, cat like, but He needs help,
if he thinksI will EVER drop ANY PLANS for him...So, He is
off Monday,Tuesday,Thur.,and Fri.He said he was going to
stop by on one of his days off.I dunnooo what to do....Be
nice, or be bitch like.??Im so confused, maybe, i need to
cruz the black top road..and think





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