Subject: when "the gods" are..
Subject: when "the gods" are telling you something....
Date: Sat, 14 Feb 2004 00:20:45 1100
I was gonna post this entry in the diary..
but it says the server is down.
i guess its a sign that im supposed to tell you:
love from Niki
I cried for the first time in a long time tonight.
Its a strange feeling... I dont like it.
I felt like writing tonight, to you Sab... but not
I kept and old email u sent me once.. a long long time
ago.. I kept
it because it made me feel on top of the world. I printed
and treasured it. I looked at it every time I needed
inspiration or needed to feel like I was loved.. It was
one of the
best things I had in the world. It meant so much.. It
said how you
felt about me, that you understood me, that I understood
was your heart on a piece of paper, and it gave me hope
thought there was none.
I looked for it tonight, on the eve of valentines day,
wanted to be closer to you, if even for a moment, if only
dreams... I searched.. I looked..
I realised what has happened.
I kept that email in a special place, hidden away from
the world of
prying eyes.. and it wasnt there.
Marco had a key to my house, before we broke up. He has
room, found it and taken that email from me. It sounds so
that I cried because I lost a piece of paper.. but it
much to me sab. and he fucking stole it.
I dont know why. I never cry. I dont have those soppy
me very often. Maybe its Karma. I got played. big time.
life is ironic though dont you think? I felt like I had
this all down, so I drove to my mums house. While I was
song came on the radio. I dont know what it called, or
who its by
or any of the words, I just know the melody and how it
feel...I heard that song, I though of you. That song
makes me want
to fly.. like when I think about you, youre my escape.
The song came on. I though of you. I stopped crying.
Sab, I know that an email means shit. but it was like I
a piece of your heart soul and mind in my hand. that was
me and it broke my heart tonight.
Sab, I dont wanna be like Devon and Nessa and Heather
else in your life over the net. I know they are all
with their dreams and hopes and distorted reality. I
dont want to
tell you I love you. I dont want you to know that. I'm
if you do you'll not be interested in talking to me
I know what you have with melly. thats real friendship.
can separate that. but the other girls are just a phase..
boring after a while. I just dont know where I fit in.
am I more
like melly or Vanessa to you?
how come when u tell me u love me I dont believe you?
why do I
feel doubt in my heart?
why am I so scared to tell you that I want to be with
you? why does
every song I hear make me think of you?
why is the cruel intentions soundtrack being played on
station every day for the last 2 weeks? why is the verve
Adelaide in 2 weeks? why do they keep
symphany" on tv all the time?
is there some greater force in the world trying to give
me a big
fat hint? or am I just lost in my own little dream world?
I dont know if you'll even read this. I guess if you
it.. I'll know that what Im saying means something. To