lifethrumyeyes

The End of Life As It Was
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2004-02-12 17:11:29 (UTC)

Aug 2003 thru Jan 2003

Hi my Name is Cindy, (not my real name). When you read my
entries you will understand why I chose to not disclose my
name.


My life was good and I single handly destroy it in 3
mths. I was married for lets say more than 15 years and
now I am not. I had all I could want a good family,
friends, and someone to take care of me and who loved me.
I did as I please most of the time. I went to dinner out
with friends and was just pampered
like a queen. Then I got an infatuation with a guy
younger than me by a decade, who cant take care of me in
any shape or form. I left my life as I knew it for a
life of struggle (go figure how twisted the mind is). Now
I cant even afford a nice place to live, or go out
anywhere, cause i always worried about the basic
necessities of life. My husband and I started from the
bottom up. In just 6 months we had lots of plans to travel
and take a nice long vacation toghether. Now its
impossible to go back to that. The bad part is I have
lost my will to continue on cause I have no one to blame
but myself. I have asked him on numerous occassions to
take me back, that I realize it was a huge mistake but his
indirect answer is no its over for good. Life has become
so difficult for me that its almost unbearable so here I
am writing these entries. (I know he has all the right to
say no, i deserve all this fully)

So here I am created this Diary so I can write down online
the mess I have gotten myself into. I am in a State where
I have no friends and no family. Guess I have put myself
in my own hell on earth. I write in this Diary knowing my
life is not going to ever get any better it can only get
worse from here on. I wake up every morning wishes it was
over and my pain would end, but guess not that would make
it too easy.


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