tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2004-02-10 20:35:33 (UTC)

no guarantees

i wish my mom had stayed in florida for, oh, say, at least
5 more years. that would give me enough time to get into a
college, go there for four years, and graduate. you'd
think after about 6 days of not seeing me, she'd be a
little more pleasant. i called her at work just now, and
she started on the "how many more applications have you
filled out?" none! obviously, no more! why the heck
would i still be applying places when i've gotten into 4
colleges already?! it's times like these that i'm glad i
am able to refrain from swearing. this pretty much
solidifes the fact that i won't be telling her that my
guidance counselor called me to his office today to tell me
that i can fill out this special application for high
school valedictorians and salutatorians to get an $8,000
scholarship. sounds good, right? the catch: it's only
for "the u masses." even though simmons's tuition is way
more than u mass, they've already offered me more than
that, so you'd think a state school could do better. i
don't care if i'm paying off loans till i'm 50; i am not
going to u mass. i wish i could live my life twice. the
first time, i'd go to u mass or some other school that i
don't want to go to. i'd be purposely miserable and do so
poorly that i'd fail out, intentionally wasting my mother's
money. i'd live on the streets, possibly selling both
drugs and my body, and i'd basically just be a crackwhore.
in my second life, i'd go to simmons or emerson or
somehwere i really want to go. i'd get such a good job
that paying off the loan would be no problem. i'd have
houses in several regions, marry the perfect guy, maybe
have a few kids, and i'd never, ever talk to my mother
again.

she made me all upset for no good reason. i was in a good
mood, too. i walked to my car with nick after school, and
he did his i'm-trying-to-have-a-serious-conversation-
thing. actually, it was the second time today that he did
that. makes me happy...makes me wonder...

and so now i can finally talk about my weekend. although,
by now, it's lost some of the excitement. taryn and this
other girl in guard and i went to see matt nathanson in
northampton. it was at a restaurant-type place. that's
how i always wanted it to be. you know when you listen to
live versions of john mayer from long ago and you can hear
people talking and eating?...well, maybe you don't, but
that's how i always wanted to experience a show. since it
was my third time seeing him play, i didn't flip out that
we had to sit in the balcony. i had a good view anyway.
the driving was a little sketchy. i don't like not knowing
where i'm going, and i had never driven on the mass pike
before. i was nervous about going through the toll
booths. it was okay, except that i had to unbuckle my
seatbelt once in order to reach the ticket. what can i
say? short arms and midget hands...

the academic decathlon went well on saturday. it went well
for me anyway. i somehow got honorable mentions in 5 of
the 7 categories, 4 of which i knew virtually nothing
about. dan didn't go because he's a *insert your favorite
profanity here*. i miss having that annoyance when he's
not around. let's hear it for the witty banter.




Ad: