TheLuminousFish

You Can't Go Home Again
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2004-02-09 23:34:59 (UTC)

Bailar.

I feel like I'm loosing it. I feel so wrong. I love her
and love her and then I have to stop. I have to stop. I
can't go anyfurther. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
I'de be more crazy than I think I already am. I wish I
could see things through her eyes for one day. An hour
even. I want to know what she thinks. I want to know how
she things the things I see. How she thinks the things I
think.
I know you're reading this right now. If this was a
movie, this would be called "Breaking the fourth wall".
It's where you go "out of character" so to say, and address
the audience.
Tell me what you're thinking Sarah. Tell me what more of
me you want. I'll give it to you. Except that one god
damned thing. The thing that's appears everytime I blink.
I'm like someone who's witnessed a brutal murder. I can't
scrape the blood from my eyes.
But I know it would just be that much worse if I went
through with it. So i'll sustain. I'll keep myself. For
myself. How selfish. Oh well.
How things have changed. I was telling myself I would
never do drugs. I would never have sex. Anything like that.
I already tried weed that once. I hope this decadance isn't
exponential.
It won't. I won't let it. Nothing but love. No desire.
Screw desire. I don't need that.
I feel so empty. but at the same time so full. empty of
will, full of love.


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