Meelve

Another day
2004-02-09 12:10:13 (UTC)

Evening of Magic

He came and spent the night here on saturday. It was so
nice to have him here. Things weren't awkward at all, and
things just naturally fell into place like we were always
like that. I didn't even think I was getting attached,
and even now I know that he till wants other people,
because I live so far away, and he still holds the things
I did to hurt him 3 years ago against me. I feel really
bad about them, and I have no way to take back what I did,
but he has hurt me to and I don't think he has realized
it. And I know that I have been able to forgive him for
those things. However he hasn't been able to do the same
for me. Does that mean that he doesn't feel the way I do,
probably eh, but of course i want to think otherwise. I'm
now a HUG WHORE, but it was cute the way he said it so
nothing is being held against him. However last night
when I was talking to him on the internet, he was having a
beer and it really got to me that he was drinking alone.
I can't deal with the posibility that he uses that to deal
with stuff, or just enjoys getting messed up by himself.
I don't need another one of my dad in my life, and all
though I know he isn't an alchy it just makes me think he
may have the potential to be. However I'm probably just
over reacting. I don't want to see him like that though.
And really I wouldn't have even known if he hadn't turned
his web cam on. Maybe things are better left out side of
my knowledge. I don't know though. I just miss him so
much right now, and I really wish I didn't live so far
away. I do get to see him again at the end of the month
though, so that will be a good time. Just to wait till
then however. So much time. I don't think I could ever
not love him.




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