calvinite

cal
2004-02-08 21:57:35 (UTC)

blah blah blah blah bah noele and pat and issues i guess

This is weird because its noeles thing but what teh fuck i
figured it may help me vent some stuff too. Basically Im
terrifie bout this guy shes getting so close too. I know
I should trust her, and I do but its just very very
frietening what could happen, and I always feel like she
is holding information back because she doesnt want me to
get upset. Like whenever she tells me shes hainging out
with people hes always teh last one she mentions and then
says it timidly like she doesnt want me to know. These
little things are the things I'm afraid of. And oh yea the
fact that he tells her he is in love with her, and she
seems to be perfectly ok with that, and she buys him gifts
and all kinds of shit. I mean what the hell is that
about. I know there close friends or whatever but it
seems like its more than friends like some limbo in
between a full blown affair/relationship and friends and
the only reason she is not going out with this guy is that
im here, and been through life with her longer. I know
she loves me but sometimes it just doesnt feel right. I
think this is mostly the fact that im just paranoid about
it. She really means the world to me. I'm trying to get
out more and to not think about it because I think its the
only way to get through this semester. If I may a big
deal out of it, which to be honestly i want to it has the
potential to end the relationship, its a big catch 22 that
really ends up sucking for me.
I've decided to get some good friends i can rely on
and brian and jon i think are turning out to be cool. ive
met some girls that have been really nice and i think i
need some estrogen to cool me down in the halls, someone
who can give the comfort that only girls can, and someone
i can talk too. I guess i partly want that because of the
void i feel left from noele, but its also a "i want you to
feel the same hurt that i feel" type of thing left over
from this close relationship shes having with this guy.
I'm going to call him and lay it all out. Try to be
friends. I think thats the best way to solve the
problem. If I know i can trust both of them then there is
no problem. Its not noele i dont trust its this other
guy. She talks about him like he would be a way better
boyfriend than me. noele and i are really uncompatible on
almost every level, and it seems this guy and her share
like almost everything. im so scared of that. anwyay
thats all for now. we'll see if this helped at all.

Pat




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