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2004-02-06 04:27:20 (UTC)


I think i make myself sick. i went thru some of my old
entries and i pretty much made myself sick to my stomach.
i have to be one of the dumbest people i have ever met. i
spend so much freaking time in my life obsessing over guys,
guys that do nothing but make my life 50x more complicated!
one thing that disgusted me was how i was like "ohh i like
so and so sooo much and i just want to spend allll my time
with them bc im happy every second im with them" BARF c'mon
kell, how pathetic can you get? i bitch and bitch about
guys about how they hurt me yadda yadda but i sit there and
take it, its my own fault for letting them do this to me.
sometime last year around this time my mom got fed up w/ my
obsessive boy "jumping" so she made it a freaking rule
where i couldn't have a boyfriend for 6 months. well ya,
those months sucked bc im fucking guy dependent. ya well
she is threating to do that again bc all i do is mope
around the house. my mom is damn good, i dont freakin talk
to her ever about anything, but she knows im unhappy, but
what really sucks is no one can do anything about it. i
better be able to read my kids as well as my mom does when
i grow up, because hell, i wont make a "no dating" rule, if
i have girls, ill find the lil fuckers that hurt my babies
and rip their testicles off... that outta show them. oh
well, i guess nearing the age of 18, aka adulthood, i
should show the maturity and not have my mommy going around
forcing me to date/not date. i should just take it upon
myself to realize that at this young of an age, i need to
stop obsessing over the fact that i dont have a boyfriend
who im in love with, or the fact i haven't found mr. right.
i need to stop being jealous of my friends who have
that "one person" for them. i need to realize that its
going to take time (if it ever happens) to be at that point
in your life where you cant get any happier because you are
with that special person. yup, it blows, but oh well. and
another thing i need to stop doing... dreading over the
freaking past... im so dumb when it comes to that, i let
every guy walk all over me and i LET them do that... no
more kelly, do you understand me? (see, i know im pathetic
when i have to yell at myself) ha well, anyway, maturity
sets in right now, this very second... mom you dont have to
make the rule for me because im doing it myself... I CANT
DATE ANYONE FOR 7 MONTHS (see, im up-ing it to prove a

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