kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
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2004-02-05 05:45:31 (UTC)

Dave s Grandmother died. I don..

Dave's Grandmother died. I don't know what to say to
him. Either I sound like a damn hallmark card spouting
out shit I don't believe. Or I tell the grim reality of
what it's like after losing someone.

I know he knows all that on a level since he lost his
grandpa two years ago.

Everything I want to tell him doesn't sound right. I told
him to make sure it didn't change him. I said he would do

I don't want to make this about me and what I have and am
going through. I want to do something drastic. I don't
know what though.

I'm tempted to bitch about God and how he loves to fuck up
our lives. I think he actually gets a kick out of it or
something. He is sitting up there on his throne watching
us cry and go through hell. It's all to make us better
people in the end but we must suffer first.

We must get a taste of hell on earth. That taste can drag
you down deeper into it. No matter how hard you try to
get out, to be the person you were, nothing works. You
can't go back to being normal.

You become someone you don't know.

You cry and cry some more. Because there are never enough
tears to cry. No matter how much you cry it doesn't seem
like enough.

I have come and gone and returned again. I got a
milkshake at late night. It was something to go with my
Crown Royal and cola. It is yummy.

Dave isn't feeling any better. I don't know what to do
except let God do his thing. Afer a while he'll at least
not feel like shit all the time.

I am finding myself grasping for things to say to him.
The words still won't come out even though they are on my

My main concern now is if he has someone to comfort him.
I guess Elissa might be there, but I don't see her as
being much comfort right now. His parents live an hour or
so away from him. His Mother could offer comfort. His
father is probably depressed over losing his Mother. I
know Dave is depressed. Not suicidal this time, but still
really depressed.

All of this is bringing up old shit. Old feelings in me
that I keep trying to hide, but can't sem to. They come
out when I don't want them to. It makes life hard.

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