Ad 0:
2004-02-04 20:08:31 (UTC)

fuck the title

i know not everythin comes easy and not everything is done
the same for everyone and im realizing that its gets harder
and harder for people to respect that!!! and i mean im sry
for everything that i have done to anyone or anything of
the sort.. but u have to remember not everyone knows my
past or how i grew up, and believe it or not i am rebelling
in anyway possible... and most of the reason i do what i do
is because i dont know how to do anything else... i mean
yes i realize that cheating is bad and i shouldnt do it and
all... but thats the reason my parents are divorced so u
would think i would know the consequences of it but its so
hard... i mean i love ryan and all but im just getting so
sick of being with him but i still care for him and im
worried to death of what would happen to him if we broke
up... i mean and what would happen to me... i would loose a
shit load of friends and practically a family...i mean his
family has been like my family for awhile now and i mean i
love them like they truely r my family and it just makes
everything ten times harder.... but it hurts really bad
when u loose someone that could be a really great friend
but i can understand where hes coming from and everything
but it hurts so bad to loose someone u truely care about
and now that i have lost him its like i am lost... ive
tryed my hardest to turn my life around and be who i want
to be... but its not always that easy because i put myself
in situtations that screw everything up and its so hard for
me to not get in those situtations but when i did i was
truely glad i found someone i could talk to but not that i
dont have that it makes everything so much worse and now i
mean what if i do finally get the guts to leave ryan who i
am going to go to for a hug for support not him... i have
to have faith somewhere to know i will have that... but i
dont know as if i can find someone like that as easy but
hey what can i say if hes going to be an asshole and call
me a slut i dont care about him anymore because i can deal
with that shit... and it hurts but now its going to be a
hard time for me but i guess ill manage i am sure i can
confide in someone else more now then i have before because
i have others that would do that for me no matter what
unless they turn out to be like him... and im sry if i
repeated myself a million times or didnt make since but my
life is in such confusing and mixed emotions and stress and
everything u could imagine right now so im at the point
where i say fuck the world... fuck most the people in it
specially those that can be assholes... but for that
certain few that know how to be friends thanks it means a
lot to me peace
::::"to find something and rejoyce is a great thing, until
u loose it and then all u can do is cry"