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2004-02-04 04:14:48 (UTC)

hmmm what could i talk about..

hmmm what could i talk about today... i dont to be to much
of a bitch but when i get pissed off about something or
really upset with someone that usually happens so im trying
to stay clear of that even tho i probably will end up
sounding like a bitch in the end but i really dont care
right now because my day went from horrible and then i went
to talk to someone and then it went worse then it kinda got
a little better
well it all started when i got home well on the way home
ryan called me and asked me what i was doing and i told him
that i was gonna hang out with jess cause she was intown
and he got a little upset cause he wanted to spend time
with me but usually his spending time is all bout sex and
im sick of it kinda like im sick of him and i just need a
little space right now... well anyway then i got home and
he was kinda pissy bout the whole thing and i work tomorrow
night so we cant spend time then and then thursday night i
have a game and cant then and then he got pissed because i
told him i had plans at husson on friday and he asked if
him and taylor could come and im like hell no that would
just be a disaster that i dont need to see or be a part
of... well anyway hes pissed because he cant spend hours
with me before bed time or whatever until friday however
ill be down with the games at like 9 9:30 on thursday
anyways me and jess had overheard him when he left the room
telling his mom not to worry bout me cause im moving out
soon and im just like well then so anyways he leaves and
then when me and jess left i called him we argued bout it
and i tryed to get him to say the words to break up with me
and it didnt work but basically he has a bet going on that
he can prove his love to me by not having sex with me for a
month.... well when he says sex to me thats everything sex
included minus kissing/... basically anything that i do to
get him off but anyways then me and jess went to mickey ds
and sat at the husson table... well then we were going to
go up and see don and james so i could talk to don because
u know im suppose to be able to talk to him or atleast
thats what he told me and has told me and whatever but they
werent there so we sat and talked to closson for a bit and
that was interesting then i messed with buzzells computer
then we sat and talked some more and don and james came
back with two of there friends and u know me already being
in a pissed and upset mood i went to say hi or something
and then don goes "it doesnt matter she gets around
anyways" or something of the sort being a real fucking
asshole about it and basically calling me a slut.,... now
usually i would take it as a joke but i mean he said with
such a straight face and usually he has a sense of a smile
when hes joking but he didnt and he didnt even say anything
to me the rest of the night... i cried i was like what the
fuck did i do to deserve that i mean jesus christ already i
was already having a bad night and he made it worse but i
just said fuck that shit if hes going to be like that to me
im just not even going to deal with it... i mean obviously
he knew it pissed me off because i didnt say anything to
him all night and he doesnt even make an effort to talk to
me... even with him being online and not being away he
still wont talk to me but i dunno maybe im just a big
fucking nusence or something but hey i get around so there
is plenty other places to go i guess considering i get
around so much.... but fuck that shit i hung out with some
other guys i know i dont have many girls for friends but i
get pissed at them easily and they just dont understand
half the shit i like to talk about or need to talk about
unless they have expierenced it and usually the girls i
know its very rare minus kressin shes cool shit and now
that i know courtney shes cool shit too but ya know well
anyways those guys cheered me up some even tho they didnt
realize anything was wrong but it was still cool
but thats pretty much all i got to say because i have tears
now just thinking bout everything and how much what don
said friggen hurt....
anyways just remember u dont know how much something can
hurt u even if its words until it comes out of the mouth of
someone u care about

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