DiNaH says...
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2004-02-02 08:28:24 (UTC)

an open letter to a closed mind (part 1)

dear diary,

i've been thinking about this lately, and based from the
advice of some friends, i come up with this decision, in
which i don't know what will happen next.

actually, i've done such a thing before... that was in
college. although, this time it's kinda different in a way
that i have the inkling that this might turn out good. but,
well, of course, as it is always said by everyone not to
expect too much, just be open and then wait for the result.
if there is any.

so here goes an ever pretending online confession of a gal
about her love for a guy whom she cannot personally divulge
her true feelings with, and just chose to let the world
know except him...

so... let me just pretend that it is him reading this, ok?!

one of these days, i will tell you the truth. but right
now, let me just write everything down, tell the world the
things i have no courage to tell you straight. crazy isn't

but then, allow me to indulge myself in this craziness for
a while, and let my loneliness be out in the open. as weird
as it may sound, but weirdness is the only thing that
pushes me to do this.

i was bewildered with what's happening between us 'coz i
never thought it would come to this point. coming from two
failed relationships and unfair world, i was overwhelmed
realizing what effect you've caused in me.

i am not in love with 'padmate' if that's what you're
worried about. i am not in love with anybody else actually.
i am in love with... well...

the thing is, i cannot go on with my life keeping a secret
to someone close to me -- the one whose been occupying my
mind lately.

so, what shall i do now? what would you do next?

you know that i've always been honest to you. i want to re-
open the topic that we talked about before, you know... the
thing about us and stuff.

can i just say that after knowing you, in those fleeting
moments we had -- well, not romantically but... -- i was
liking you more and more. and though i discovered things
about you that easily turns me off, i came to accept your
weaknesses and all. at your age, it's normal. and i kinda
understand if sometimes you become childish, even insecure,
even immature to face life and the world, and however
demanding you become! and i kinda accepted already the
person that you are, regardless of our differences -- which
we both know comes in a big package! but i think it was
never a hindrance. it actually served as the mighty bond.
have you observed how we compliment each other?

for months, i've been asking, admitting, denying and
admitting again, every now and then, this feelings homing
in me. i was afraid to trust again, to love again, to be
fooled again. but love really conquers all, right? it sets
no boundaries. if God permits, then...

i prayed for you, too you know...

so you see, you're the only guy that my dad was able to
appreciate. mind you, the only guy!

what's our score now? i really don't know. if ever you read
this, give me a call -- that's if you have something to

nadine :)