16 years old and lost in life?
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2004-02-01 08:06:21 (UTC)

Rant and Rave

I wish people understood what it felt like to be
in my position just for once to take a walk in my shoes.
I care about people so much, and there are people that I
care about more then others, but for some odd reason I
feel I never get the same respect and im dishing out to
them. I think this world is crazy and wrong to tell you
the honest truth! I will be so excited the day that I
graduate. Because that is when I can tell all my friends
to kiss my ass because I’m out of here and out of there
way, and I’m sorry I even had to be a presence in your
life not like I meant anything to you anyways. Now just
think of how much different the situation would be if say
tomorrow I got in a car accident that killed me. Then all
of a sudden people I Don’t even know would be coming out
and saying we were best friends! The hell we were get the
hell away from my casket. You were never in my life so
don’t try to be a part of my family’s now. People just
piss me off! One minute I’m good for them the next minute
I’m not. I have always wanted to move. I’ve always said
just get away and start over begin a whole new life!
Start from scratch where no one know’s me but me! I
could tell them how much I hated all of you, and how much
you drove me to insanity! You guys are all nuts. Of
course, I’ve got my few close friends who mean the world
to me, and that none of this relates to any of them, which
I’m graceful for that. But if it wasn’t for them who
would it be for?? My own will power?? Jesus, seriously
there has to be more to life then who dates POPULAR
*Johnny* first! You know, it’s all bullshit!
I have never wanted to cry so much in my life!!! I
go home everynight, I’m so lonely people might not see it
but I am. I really want someone who I can and want to
cherish every minute with. They wouldn’t even understand
the impact and the role they would play in my life. I
would give them everything and anything. I think if I
keep liking ****** good things will come along. I’m so
excited for summer! Summer is when I’m my self, when
people find out who the real me is. When I’m at what I
guess you can call home I call it hell, I’m just a
depressed teen-age kid fighting to get through everyday
life and classes!
I slipped the other day when I was talking to a
teacher...I said something about being so tired I would
probably fall asleep at the wheel on the way home and
crash. When she said oh Katie you would never want
that....and I blurted out why who the hell would care
anyways? Not me...and she like stared at me, and I said
Tell me seriously how much it would bother you, and it
went silent...and I turned to her and said yeah that’s
what I figured...and walked out the door! I get no
respect at all...If you are my friend You ll come to find
I’m actually a really cool person if you just take the
time to get to know me. I’m very shy around people I
don’t know who isn’t?
Tonight I hung out with some new people who I
don’t usually hang out with, I got a phone call while
sitting with them, and im the kind of person who doesn’t
want to sit and talk to someone on the phone in the middle
of a crowd of people I hardly know. So I walked upstairs
and started talking on the phone, talking to one of my
really good friends made me think why am I even at this
party? I don’t belong here, im not having fun at
all.....So what’d I do?? I didn’t tell the people I was
leaving and I got in my car and snuck away without even
telling them. And do you think it bothered anyone? Or
that anyone even noticed?? Nope not one more so.
My dream has always been to live in San Diego.
I’ve always told mom and dad when im outta high school I’m
gone I’m giong to the place I love and the place where
I’ve always wanted to be. But then 2 years ago I was
blessed with the bright smile of a nephew! He lives an
hour and a half away, and to me that’s already to far. I
hardly ever see him and he’s the biggest part of my life.
What owuld I do if I was thousands of miles away and only
got to see him twice a year?? I odn’t think I could handle
it! That’s why I’m changing my mind on moving out of the
state I hate! Maybe someday I can leave
But if you were me would you stay for something that means
the world to you?

I really besides about 5 real close freinds and my
nephew .........would miss nothing that I left behind...If
you were me what would you consider diong?!