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2004-01-31 14:38:00 (UTC)

a walk in my shoes

hey! this is my first entry! i got a online diary because
its much easier to type then to write down for me and im
not so good with keeping diaries. so...
i seriously need my zoloft back! where is my doctor! and
im serious because without it im fallin apart. i've been so
quiet and im NEVER quiet. i have also been really moody and
it isnt that time of the month yet! lol. i am hardly
talking to anybody and on friday at lunch i went off on
meaghan. i wasnt feelin that bad because i went off on her
for a reason and i had that situation on my chest for a
LONG LONG time. if most of you already dont know it kinda
has to do with steff. shes one of my best friends and i
have known her since 3rd grade. well now all of a sudden
meaghan thinks THEY are best friends. i mean she copies
everything steff does..she likes the same people..she
dressses like her..and she got the most annoying s/n!! it
was steffsbfffl4e or somethin like that! it isnt that i
odnt like meaghan i just think she needs 2 back of a "tit
bit" lol. then...brittnee traylor was tellin meaghan all
this crap about how she wanted 2 kick her @$$ and that she
was a bad friend and she was too little to be tellin her
wat to do. that made meaghan cry!! now brittnee's boifriend
is like best friends with meaghan so when brittnee made
meaghan cry he broke up with her! that sent brittnee on a
RAGE! she was goin off on charles and talkin bout how he
must like meaghan more and she stormed off! but..as much as
im mad at meaghan right now..i absolutley HATE brittnee
traylor! so if i have to say a few things for her to get
off meaghans back i will..because i still love meaghan to
death!! ariel and allison were fightin for some reason
today.. i dono why though? allison said somethin bout how
ariel was givin her dirty looks and then she hated her and
then ariel hated allison and it was just a crock of crap!!
(i give my regards to morgan lol) also..allison tried to
drag me along with her to eigth hour and act as if i hated
ariel too..which i dont!! so i dont want to be in the
middle of things..but it seems as if i always am!! last
night i babysat my bro while my mom and mo (my stepdad)
went to the casino! i asked my mom if she won and she said
they both did but she wont tell me how much $$!! that makes
me mad! because ever since my mom lost her job..shes been
really weird about her money! she got laid off in september
which means its been quite a few months!! i think she needs
to get a job though..although she likes to agree to
disagree! shes talkin about stayin home and gettin reese
potty trained and all that great fun stuff! BUT SHE NEEDS
TO GET A JOB! im not used 2 not bein spoiled and it isnt
fun! lol!! now onto my other problems...
o hate stephen!! i love stephen!! sounds familiar right?
well for some reason i drive myself to hate him and say all
this bad stuff about him but deep down inside i seriously
still like him ALOT! but he seems to think i am real mean
to him and i hate him and all this crap! see look at the
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: wen do i tell u i hate you!?!?!
Shoveit19: wellll...
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: .........
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: please continue
Shoveit19: in 3rd hour u said u hate every 1 in their exept
a bunch a people that didnt include me
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: no i pointed 2 u..
Shoveit19: o0o0oo0
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: yeEeEeEeah!
Shoveit19: u said sumthin bad 2 me b4 i went on the bus 2day
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: no
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: i said u were gross
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: because steffanie told me somethin
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: that meg said
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: which wasnt really bad
Shoveit49: how am i gross
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: i just didnt wana know
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: well it isnt really gross 2 u just gross
2 me
Shoveit19: what was it
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: nuthin..long story
Shoveit19: k
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: so...is everything cleared up...now do u
know that i DONT hate u!! because u told sammie i hate u a
lot and im mean 2 u
Shoveit19: u r!
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: no i am not!
Shoveit19: fine
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: how am i mean 2 u
Shoveit19: o0o and sammie asked me out 4 u and told me
not 2 tell u
Shoveit19: yeah
Shoveit19: wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shoveit19: dont or shell kill me
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: too late..sry
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: im guna bite her head off n throw it in
the creek!
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: i did not tell her 2 say that!!
Shoveit19: lol
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: she gets these weird ideas sometimes
Shoveit19: i g2g lyl
NuThiNIvEBeCuM32: bye
Shoveit19 signed off at 5:36:05 PM.

see there!! dont u just hate that!! i was tryin 2 clear
things up but 10 minutes later he had to get off! that
makes me so mad..and about sammie askin him out for me! i
was pissed! but i cooled down it aint that big of a deal!
and i guess i kinda lied because i can be VERY mean to him
sometimes! why am i so stupid?!?! but..thats NOT the bad
part! i think i kinda like Chris! i know its gross but i
dono thats why im so confused! i never know anything
anymore!! i need a shrink! lol!! BUT i would never
go out with him just because.. and i kinda like stephen
*dont i just have so mny problems? and those arent near
as many as i can type right now! im just givin u guys the
nain ones! my life seriously sux right now!! and everybodys
askin me why im "not the same" or why im so "quiet" or
watever. well..why dont they take a walk in my shoes. i bet
they wont get very far!!
write more later..wen i feel better