demongurl_22

diary of a lost girl
2004-01-30 07:06:47 (UTC)

pain, slain, cry, die

Like my little rhyme? I do.

OMG! I can't fuckin take it anymore.
THEY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
All my friends, suicidle, wanna die, cutters, depressed, I
can't handle hearing that. I care about them and they know
it and they say stuff like, " I can't take life, I'm going
to slit my wrists tonight, I'm gonna do it again...cut"
I've been tempted to do it again, cut. My friend just
miscarried and she said shes gonna slit her wrists
tonight. I had no time to say anything to her. To any of
them. My friends. Cutters. I went to a cutters support
group so I could have that extra support in my quitting,
once you start, once your suicidle or a cutter, it never
goes away. You only learn how to control it better. The
urges, the thoughts, the temptations, and your emotions.
It's always part of you, It's always there.

Everybody fuckin always on my case.
Bad things surrounding me.
I'm always stressed,
irritable,
hungry, but some foods I love are now making me feel a
little sick.
I'm always fuckin tired.
Mood swings like a bitch.
I'm like, going insane or something.
Crying sometimes for no reason.
Just, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!!

My little sister made me want to stab her with the fork I
had in my hand...don't doubt it, I've stabbed people with
forks before.Well,one person. It was funny. Anyways,
everybody knows if I could I'd have a hit out on my birth
mother, everybody I know in person knows what the fuck she
did to me to ruin me and make me as awful as I am
mentally, everybody knows I want her dead. And my little
sister who FUCKIN loves her for not knowing about all
that, how bad she is was getting on my case and was pissed
and me and said"i know you love mom, dont deny it, you
love her, shes your mom, i know you love her" OOH!!! damn,
It was fuckin on. She's a little girl but I fuckin jumped
her ass for it. I hate it. Why do I have to be this way.
Why can't I be normal. I want parents, I want to not be a
foster kid, I want to be ok!!! Why am I not ok! Why did I
fuckin have to go through all of that shit. Why!!No kid
should have to grow up hating their mother like this, no
child should have to go through what I did at those ages.
No kid should be without parents...when people have kids
and do shit like this to them and screw their lives up,
they don't know what it's gonna do to the kid, or to their
whole lives, they don't fuckin care. They see it happening
all around them and know how it affects the kids and
people still do that to their own, it's not fuckin right!
It's so hard!

I have to get offline but there is tons more racing
through my head.

Blessed be,
Me




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