Darkeyes

How Terribly Average
2004-01-29 23:36:17 (UTC)

crying

All of last night was spent crying. My mom and I started
talking about my grandma and I just realized how much I
still miss her. And then I started thinking about how
great her life was. She was a cheerleader, and
validictorian of her class, she was gorgeuos and classy
and smart. And then I looked at my life, Im barely passing
most of my classes, I dont do any sports, I drw but Im not
very good at it. Im average looking and not that bright
and I wouldnt know classy if it bit me in the ass. I want
to be with my grandma so bad. Last night I asked God to
take me because I dont want to be here anymore, I jsut
want to be with my grandma again, I want to stop fooling
myself. Im never going to amount to anything. All the
dreams and hopes that my parents have for me...getting a
scholarship...going to college....starting my own
buissness....being successful in general...Its not going
to happen. Im not smart enough to make it happen. I just
want to die..I want to be with grandma and not have to
worry about this stupid stressful pointless life. What
will going to college prove? Nothing...I earn more money,
I dont care If I just want to die why do i need money. I
dont have any goals I have nothing im looking forward to.
The only person I like anymore is Aaron. Everyone else on
this planet just seem beyond me. I love both my
parents...I really do...I would miss them so much, and
Aaron too but other than that I wouldnt miss anyone. I am
redy to leave...I dont want to exist anymore. Im barely
existing now anyways. I dont know what my point on this
earth is. I just want to be away from it all...I want my
grandma.




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