enter my train of thought
2004-01-29 22:47:30 (UTC)

oh wow

haha thats awesome. i havent updated in exactly two
months. well. this is a big task i have before me.

to recap december (just the highlights)


now why does that highlight list seem frighteningly short?
doesn't say too much for my life lately...

ok, so we'll expand on christmas since nothing else
remotely exciting happened. i got a spiffy digital camera,
mainly for italy (64 days!!!!!) and a new cell phone, and
the family got a new computer (which we needed
desperately). i got pirates, and an italian dictionary,
michael buble cd from lauren (awesome, if you like frank
sinatra - style music. michael buble is kind of like a
josh groban-ish guy, he remakes all the swing/jazz songs
and he does them really well. he's awesome.) i got lots of
other stuff too but its been so long i cant seem to
remember it all. so we went up to dc where my moms family
lives, spent some time with my aunts and james and cousins
and grandparents. grandma alice was there too, that was
the last time we saw her before she died. we went to her
funeral just last week. it was sad, but i feel bad to
admit that maybe i wasnt as sad as a funeral warrants. i
guess its just because i only saw her once or twice a
year, and besides, she was my step-great-grandmother. i
dont wanna sound like im making excuses, thats just the
way it is.

then the next day we went up to rochester, as usual, to
see my dads family. it was great fun, like always, except
the second day we were there my grandpa had a heart attack
and had to go to the hospital, where he remains to this
day, having had at least one other heart attack and a foot
amputation. however morbid it may seem, it made me realize
that my grandpa's not going to be here forever, but im not
ready for him to leave us yet. some of the best times of
my life were spent in rochester with my grandparents and
my aunts and uncles. i don't know how any of us would deal
with it. its just unimaginable. so i wont dwell on it,
since he's doing relatively alright now despite still
being in the hospital.

so, the new year.... pretty anti-climatic. not that there
was any great spiel about how great it would be, but
still, you expect at least a little change in attitudes or
feelings, right? well, nada. nothing. just a continuance
of the monotony of life that i've been experiencing
lately. i dont know, maybe that's something that gradually
occurs to people anyway as they get older, but i hope that
doesn't mean that im going to loose my child-like joy at
the holidays as i grow up. i think all grown-ups deserve
it too, if only once or twice a year.

now january kind of went by in a blur. that's not to say
that so much happened i can't even distinguish everything.
because honestly, i cant think of a single important thing
that happened. well, thats not true. i went to see big
fish with pam, which was cool cause ewan mcgregor is a
god, but we don't really get the whole symbolism of the
fish thing. whatever. and my dad had his birthday, 47
years young. this again made me realize how old everyone
is getting. all of his younger brothers and sisters, my
uncles and aunts, have always been thirty-something uncles
who always had time to play and joke around. but lately,
they've all been turning forty (not all at once, of
course) and now there's only 3 that haven't hit forty
yet, and one of them will in march. and i don't see them
nearly as much now, which isn't nearly enough. i don't
want us all to get older (myself included) without being
able to watch each other do it. it makes me sad, as
childish as that sounds. i love my family, and i hate the
inevitablity of aging.

anyway. so then came exams, which also just kind of
whizzed by. im not sure why everything's happening so
quickly. its kind of eerie in a way, like im not really
participating in anything thats happening, just kind of an
onlooker who can't even keep up. but i think i did well on
most of them, or relatively well, not like A well, you
know. and mike, who has been my rock in the past two
months, finally made me a tape of his band so that i can
figure out if he can sing. this is imperative, you see,
because of the master plan. ill explain. im going to marry
kirk, pam's twin brother. or at least thats the plan. and
honestly, i dont think i could come up with a good reason
why, thats just the plan. only, there might be a few
qualities of his that just dont work with my ideal
husband. so, i have to have other prospects. one of the
musts in my ideal husband is that he can sing, which is
why i had to find out if mike could or not. and for now im
reserving judgement on this because i havent really had
time to listen to it thoroughly yet. but lets talk about
my buddy mike for a second. first of all, what i meant
when i said he's been my rock is this. i talk to mike more
than i've talked to some of my best friends lately. which
is saying something. and its not that he's some awesome
person, its just that he listens to me when i complain to
him. i cant complain to any of my ib friends, because
they're all in the same boat, and its just not the same.
but when i complain to him, he gives me pity, which
everyone needs every once in a while, and he tells me to
keep my chin up (not in those words) because things are
always brighter the next day. now then. it bugs me to no
end how theresa giggles like a little girl everytime he
says hi to me in the halls. i mean, i know she's pretty
sheltered, so maybe she doesn't have a lot of guy friends.
but thats all it is. we're friends. now, that doesnt take
into account if maybe thats not all i wish it were, but
thats all it is. and i cant stand people who cant
understand that and insist on acting like saying hi to a
guy in the hall is some major occurence. and maybe this
sounds irrational, but its just one of those things that
bugs me. moving on.

so, snow. snow is a good thing. snow means 4 days of from
school. and this unexpected long break would have been
even better if it had not been for 2 things:
1) snow also means that my parents dont have work and
elizabeth doesnt have school. not that i dont love them
and all, but before the snow became a factor, we had
monday and tuesday off anyway, and they were supposed to
be my days. not family stay at home and snipe at each
other in the close quarters days.
2) i got sick. like throwing up all night sick. now, let
me just make one thing clear here. i abhor throwing up. it
is absolutely disgusting. and to make matters worse, i
have a cold now too. so im still sick. 3 days later. and
you know what? the stupid virus didnt even have the
decency to hit me so that i would miss some school. no, it
had to ruin my vacation. so here we are on thursday night,
and we finally have to go back to school tomorrow. now,
assuming that i feel well enough to go in the first place,
it pisses me off that they're making us go for 4 hours
tomorrow when we havent been all week. nothings going to
get accomplished, at least not in my mind. id rather not
go through the hassle of going at all, you know?

now reading back through all this, this entry has had a
rather depressing trend to it. i dont mean to convey that
my life sucks; it doesn't. i guess ive just been feeling
kind of down lately, and i dont even really know why. but
on the bright side, its almost the weekend again. maybe
ill go see the big bounce tomorrow night, and let a sexy
beast movie improve my spirits.

and me and pam are planning a surprise bday party for
melillo. oh and jen is in on it too. because, well, we
love him so much, and he's turning 60, and he's retiring
and we're never going to see him again. which im not even
gonna think about right now because as silly as it may
seem, seeing as how melillo was only my teacher for one
year, ive grown really close to him, he's almost like
another grandfather, and i think im gonna cry when he
leaves. dont make fun of me. anyway, so thats something
exciting to look forward to, assuming we can muster up
enough creativity to do something cool and memorable for

oh. and you would think that these extra days off would
give me a chance to get organized and maybe start feeling
a little better about school? not so. ive spent my time
either lazing about reading books or being sick. so im not
prepared at all to go back to school tomorrow, but hey,
its only 4 hours, after all.