purple star

Never once spoken
2004-01-26 08:27:33 (UTC)

what the fuck?

alright. number one thing i have on my mind: patrick
kissed me tonight. now... before i freak out... im going
to explain what exactly happened. i worked. i went to
castlebay to hangout with heather. patrick and bill were
there. me and heather (more her than me) flirted with
patrick. but the thing is i always say shit to patrick
sarcastically. and he always tells me im his favorite blah
blah blah. nothing more than harmless flirting that doesnt
mean anything right?

so we are sitting there. im talking to this guy scott from
seattle and heather. then i get up to go to the bathroom.
when i come back, i go and sit next to patrick (bill is not
there) and i ask him if everything is ok because it doesnt
seem like it. he seems down. he assures me that
everything is fine. and i 'buy it'. not really but i say
ok and move back to my original seat. so im talking. and
patrick comes up to say goodbye. hes going to achme. so i
say... 'look, i appreciate what you are doing for me about
josh. you said that hes not good enough for me, and i
appreciate your concern. however, im not trying to marry
the boy or have a long term relationship with him...'
patrick says josh may be at achme and to come down there.
so i say maybe... but most likely i will come down with
olivia. so he says ok. and all of a sudden, he kisses me
(on the lips) and says alright see ya later.

now... patrick has never kissed me even on the cheek
before. he wasnt drunk. and it definately seemed more
than a peck. i talked to timi about it and she said not to
worry about it, unless it starts to go farther. so i said
ok. but there are a few things that bother me about this:
1) patrick is married 2)im friends with christy (his wife)
3) i had a crush on him when i first met him... until i
found out he was married and then i let it go quick.
especially when i became friends with christy 4) they are
having problems (patrick and christy) 5) he told me josh
wasnt good enough for me real quick and a very intuitive
person wrote me a message and conveyed an opinion about all
the guys that tell me the ones i date are not good enough
for me.

point: im freaked out. im not strong right now and i dont
want to do something i will regret. i already feel bad
about kissing him, and i didnt even kiss him. he kissed
me. in front of a lot of people. shock and awe are the
most appropriate feelings i can convey.

alright. i must sleep cuz i have to work a double
tomorrow, but please help me. does this mean anything
and/or should i be freaked out about it?