Nasethray

Book of Dreams
2004-01-26 02:48:42 (UTC)

the day after my birthday

well, today has been a pretty crappy day. yesterday was
fun. i was surprised at how well they could skate on their
first try! poor kat was scared :P. but um i got some nice
little presents :) (not that that's the most important
part). i don't feel 14. it is no different to me than
being 12 or 13. the years are just going by fast now. so
anyways. kathryn left around 9 30 this morning. i had the
usual hot cereal and a piece of bacon. then i rinse-
showered and dressed and mom took me to my aunt's house.
from there steph and i went to ringling for portfolio day.
and i've decided i don't want to go to parson's anymore.
the rep made me cry. it wasn't because she was completely
criticizing my artwork, it was mainly because when she
finally realized i wasn't even in high school yet she was
like oh you're so young and already looking for college?!
it made me realize how worried i am about my future..and i
feel like i'm going to be a nobody when i grow up.
sometimes i don't even want a future. or i don't even know
if i'm going to HAVE one. then after that she was going on
about how parson's doesn't give a crap about artwork
coming from your imagination, but only "Still-life"
bullshit. i mean come on a little 2nd grader can draw an
apple -_- ANYONE can draw still-life!!! art is about what
is on the INSIDE not what already exists in the world. but
no matter. might as well type about my feelings so i can
concentrate on studying for my outrageous social studies
test(i love that word, outrageous).
i'm glad i don't talk to my old best friends anymore. i
had a dream about them last night but that is just my
heart reaching and trying to grab a hold of them again.
but my stupid heart..it's deceived so easily..fooled..
speaking of emotions, i'm having so many mixed feelings
about derek right now. like everyone says, long distance
relationships never work out, it's hard to tell. i mean, i
might as well just let him go have a normal life and date
girls and have fun. since i am no fun to him. i feel all
mad about the whole situation, however, i still want to
visit a day or two in the summer. i mean hell, we're just
kids. relationships don't have to be so serious at this
age. way back when kids weren't even dating at this age.
it was probably the cootie-bug era. but yeah..he's always
on the edge of my mind whether i'm pissed about it or
being a sissywussy. ohhh flippin well. '
i got two new sketch books from gramma! i'm happy about
that, and they're the crappy kind from the dollar store so
i won't feel guilty about drawing in them _. i love you
gramma! i spent half the day at my aunt's house after we
got back from ringling and i was all sobby with tears.
auntie always knows how to cheer me up. she stuck in some
lame-ass movie with a bunch of fucked-up people with some
transvestite in it. his name was earl LOL. i think it was
called something like sodrid lives(???) but anyways we
BOTH dozed off in the middle of the movie after some fat
chicks were eating fried chicken and complaining about
brotherboy _ LOL and we stuffed ourselves with cheese
and crackers. so we woke up around 4 or something and
gramma came and picked me up and took me home i let the
dogs out and picked up my book so i could read at her
house, and yes, i read at her house the whole time i was
there (approximately two hours). almost finished the book
too (yay!). it's a really good book i think. the area
around my bed is a pigsty lol. papers and clothes laying
about and mom says LAUREN I DON'T LIKE YOU SITTING NAKED
IN YOUR CHAIR IN FRONT OF YOUR WINDOW LIKE THAT. i am NOT
frickin in front of the window, and i'm wearing underwear
anyways! AND NOBODY CAN SEE ME CUZ I'M IN THE BACK OF MY
ROOM AND NOBODY'S HIGH ENOUGH ANYWAYS! i smell bathlotion
stuff......from mom's bubblebath...ahh i can just feel the
warm water on my back. i Love Hot bubble baths with some
nice nightmare before christmas music or enya or my buddha-
man disks heeeeeeeh.
what i've been doing lately is staying up and watching
those lame ass elimidate shows LOL. it's the only way i
can get myself to fall asleep. i sound so happy when i'm
typing this..but i feel like i'm gonna break down and cry -
_-. these LOLs are really not laughing out loud. i guess
it's my way of insecurity. oop foot is falling asleep..
anyways, i desperately need to study this Age of Jackson
bullshit for my OUTRAGEOUS social studies test. but i
can't move my foot...and my papers are over there....AND I
NEED TO SHIT...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH._ _.
please wake up foot...please...
yay i think he's waking..well tomorrow is monday! i think
tonight will be an early night for me ^__^ sleep..ahh..
i had a dream about a singing competition the other night.
and last night i had one about being in some big play and
i was some fairy..WHAT IS WITH ME BEING A FAIRY IN ALL OF
MY DREAMS?!??!!!?!! _ well, it felt good to write
in here. i always feel like i'm neglecting you whenever i
get an email notification to write in you you poor diary
T_T
later i suppose. ~Lauren




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