Self harming dyke
2004-01-25 12:53:05 (UTC)

what a bitch i am

I am so nasty, so f*cked-up. I always push people away when
i am low, I make them hate me cos I hate myself so much. I
feel like I don't deserve any friends because I wouldn't
like me if I was someone else (well I don't even like me
when I am *me*!)...

This is silly. How can I hope to get better if I push my
friends away? But how can I know if they really are my
friends? How can I be sure that they are not being nice to
my face but slagging me off behind my back or, even worse,
feeling sorry for me and just sticking by me becuase they
think I will crack up if they tell me the truth?


I am being observed by my uni tutor tomorrow. I have to
plan a beautiful lesson so that she think s I am a good,
worthy teacher. What will I do if she puts me on cause for
concern? If she thinks I am terrible?

I am going to:

Do my washing up,
Have a shower,
Finish tidying up my folders,
Plan other lessons for tomorrow,
Finish the observed lesson's planning,
Practise the lesson,

NOT drink tonight,
Saty at my parents tonight and eat a meal,
Get a good night's sleep.

Better go wash up.

Cat x

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