Ms. R

Assimilated
2004-01-24 21:39:59 (UTC)

Fourth Entry- 1-24-04

I had a feeling I was in for SOME revelation. Or was it
REALLY a revelation? Maybe more of a CONFIRMATION.

Got an e-mail from R. I KNEW when I saw it, it was NOT
good...as he rarely e-mails me. And I KNEW something was
going on in his mind. But it wasnt QUITE what I expected
either.

He feels inadequate...that he cant satisfy me. He says I
have a fire inside me that he cant keep up with. And
because he feels that way, his self esteem is in the
toilet. WTF??? All I have done since me met is tell him how
GOOD he makes me feel and how MUCH he satisfies me.
What?... does he think I am a LIAR?? Or is there something
else? I dont THINK so...he doesnt strike me as the type to
say something like this lightly. I KNEW he felt that
physically he wasnt up to snuff, but HELL, he IS 60 years
old...it doesnt last forever. And if I DO arouse him the
way he SAYS I do, then are things he can do or take to get
things moving. Why should "I" be punished because HIS ego
cant handle the fact that he is getting old?

I know, I should just let it go. But somehow, I CANT. There
arent many men out there like him...that "I" have found,
anyway. Men who are sweet and sensitive and caring. I cant
believe he wants to just chuck everything because he has
E.D. Geez, if that were something awful, I never would have
gotten engaged to JIM...he was even WORSE. But I dont base
love on the ability to "get it up". Why the HELL does HE??

All I can do is shake my head. I did write him back and
tell him that I think he is FANTASTIC. If he reads it and
believes my feelings are genuine, then he might work on the
problem. But if not, then fine. Let him spend the rest of
his life looking for a woman that doesnt make him feel
inadequate, even though thats not going to be possible. I
have my heart stepped on TOO many times and by experts. I
dont need his shit too.

Guess I will go out with B tonight. At least I get
out...even though I feel NOTHING when I am with him other
than friendship. Please, if there IS a God up there, let R
realize that we have something good and it goes BEYOND the
physical.

I guess I will find out.....




Ad: