The Darkness Within

Dancing Nude
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2004-01-24 02:43:19 (UTC)

Night Falls

So, here I sit as I do so many nights lately in front of
this glaring screen. I've checked my email( and no suprize
to me, their was none to be read ), and immediatly came
back to this. The solice of written word. My husband will
be home shortly, as he works nights, and I really should be
doing the dishes right now....but I don't friggin feel like
it! So there. When we had our son we agreed that it would
be best if someone stayed at home with him. Seeing as we
currently reside in the middle of east bum f*%&!, there
weren't really any jobs that were suited to my
qualifications , so since my husband was capable of finding
work that would bring in enough money to sustain us, here I
am. Odd, he didn't even finish high school, and I the
college graduate, the computer Information/Communication
Media Arts major, am cleaning the house. Have I missed
something? I swear that some nights I can literally see my
talents slipping down the drain when I let out the dish
water...Hast Luego brain cells! Have a great f*#&*#!trip!
Don't get me wrong, I love Lee very much, and don't resent
him ..I mean after all he works his ass off in order to
support our family. I do however resent the situation. I
hate being trapped in this damn house day after day with no
one to talk to but my son who is now an expert at stringing
two words together to form a sentence! I love him , but a
little contact with the outside world would
be ever so appreciated. I suppose that is why I look
forward to hearing from Orion so much. He gives me some
sort of hope that one day i may once agian have an actual
stimulating conversation with another human being. That
said, he has emailed just now...and probably has called ( I
never bothered to check my answering service)...I suppose
that I should let him know that I am online..the thing is
we have discussed the same sh*! repeatidly, and I just have
nothing more to say.
I want to be there for him, and try, but I just have a hard
time coming up with inspirational words when I am not
entirely convinced that he is happy with the decisions that
he makes.If he is trying to convince himself that he is,
then maybe I shouldn't be backing him up, and should
instead be pointing out the fact that he shouldn't have to
convince himself that he is making the choices he does for
the right reason, and if he is maybe he shouldn't be making
them? I don't know.

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