GothTech

GothTech Experiance
2004-01-24 00:05:21 (UTC)

Betrayed...I feel powerless

Grate! Now my sister is handing pills out around school to
her friends. I'm worried that their mine. I'm not a
druggie or anything but I have a lot of medicine for my
kidneies and my lungs. (morphine, codine, macrobide,
mitodin...ect...all the really drugie typ of pills.) I've
heared that the pills she's handing out are big and white.
The only big white pills in the house are my codine pills...
I'm scared she's on drugs, that she might get caught, that
she or her friends might get sick from the pills. I know
I should tell my parents but I'm scared to because this
might be the last straw and mom will take her to Ohio to
live, i don't want my mom and sister to have to leave...no
matter how angry at them I am. Jesse says I should talk to
them too. I'm so confused. I have two different feelings
on this, and nethier sound very appealing to me. I eaither
snitch and they leave, or not tell and somehing happen to
Jenn. I feel like she's betrayed me.
I think I'm going to ask Jesse (if he's coming over Sunday)
to sit down with me and my parents and we have a talk about
Jennifer. That or I'll sit down and talk to Jenn. Mmmm.
I hate this.
Jesse says she dosn't care. I refused to admit it. I told
him it wasn't true, that she does care and she does love
me, even if she only tells me she loves me when she wants
and needs things. Deep inside, i really think he's right.
I don't want to believe it. It's only tareing me up more.

And Jesse, god, I think I'm really a pain in the ass to
him. He's constantly telling me not to do things but i
can't stop because thats who i am. It's like he can't
stand the real me, my real personality, that I have too
many problems in both my head and my life. I think he
stays with me because he truely loves me but I'm annoying.
I'm so incredably confused. I mean, annoyance seeps in his
facial expressions but so does the love. He stands behinde
me in every idea, every concept, every problem I face.
Only god knows how much I love him.

I hope all of this mess is over soon. My nerves are
streched so thin that I don't think i can handle one more
problem.




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