The Darkness Within

Dancing Nude
2004-01-23 21:52:29 (UTC)

The Lost Souls

I have always been told that their is something magnetic
about me. Something that just penetrates others thoughts,
rendering them speechless. Some find that to be appealing,
yet others find me a bit intimidating, and even at times
have described the feeling that they got from me as
being "evil". A few years back, I probably would have
simply laughed at this, and made a comment about how I am
not evil, but simply don't waste my time being kind to
those who don't matter to me. As you can tell, a few years
ago, I wasn't particulary tactful, nor considerate to
most. That said, I was only a teen. With time I have
learned that it won't kill me to be kind to those who I
would have found insignificant before. I have matured a
bit since then, but as I am sure you will find, I do still
have spiteful moments from time to time! All of that in
mind, I am however a loyal and unfaltering companion to
those whom I care for. My friends are really easily put
into two catagories. One, intellectual types, whom are a
bit on the harsh yet logical side. The other, friends whom
are good people who are typically shy and get trampled over
by my other friends. My best friend throughout high school
was one of those sorts. I was constantly watching out for
her, defending her....that's me alright, defender of the
down trodden! lol. A part of me just hates to see people
who are less forceful in nature being hurt by others, and
it compells me to protect them from others like myself.I
actually had two "high school best friends" the reason
that I don't classify the next as that is that he was a
boyfriend/ex/best friend and remains still one of my
closest friends. He of course was the intellectual type.
Someone that understood everything about me without needing
to hear a word from me...we can go for months without
seeing one another, and still know excatly how the other is
by talking or meeting....he's amazing.

My best friend throughout college was the analytical type.
Someone whom I could spend hours upon hours conversing with
on just about any topic. In fact, many hours were spent,
he and I sitting under the staircase skipping classes. That
said, in the end, he came to the conclusion that I should
be with him and not with his friend whom I was at the time
engaged to, and a devious plot ensued. I knew that he was
capable of such acts, however had never in a million years
thought that he would include me in one of the acts. That
said, being a logic based individual, I was not mad at him
for attempting to get my fiance to leave me, nor for
slandering my name to all of their friends. I understood
that he had done all of this out of the truest of
feelings , love. He loved me, and thought that he and I
were better suited, and was attempting to make his desire a
reality. How could I hold that against him? That said,
shortly after being "found out", he left the area ( after
pleaing with me to go with him) and now lives somewhere in
Colorado from what I know. That would bring me to my
current best friend. We'll refer to him as Orion. Why?
Due to the fact that niether he nor I are capable of
locating any other constellation but Orion! I met Orion
briefly while in college. I was playing around with the
school Deans son, attempting to get him to say that he
would marry me and all of a sudden this guy that I don't
even know ( Orion) comes up puts his arm about my shoulders
and claims " I would marry her, you have to be nuts!", then
leaves. Shortly after our meeting Orion left the area to
join the Navy, where he currently is. So, how then have we
become such good friends? While with my ex- fiance ( yes,
the same one from the tale above! lol) Orion came back on
leave from the Navy, and came to visit said fiance.
Apparently, unbeknownst to me, they were college buddies!
While on his visits, Orion started spending more time with
me, and less with my fiance and their friends. I didn't
find this at all odd due to the fact that a majority of my
fiance's friends were a complete waste of flesh. Not to
mention Orion and I got along was as if we
had been friends forever. Long story short ( although I am
sure you will get the in-depth version later down the
line! )
my fiance and I went our seperate ways. I left our
apartment, and went to live with my family once again.
When Orion found this bit of information out, he emailed me
to ensure that I was okay. He continued to write and began
calling on a regular basis. It was great to have someone
to comfort me, and make me smile, and I soon began to look
forward to hearing from him each day. A feeling that
remains to this day. Then as luck would have it, one of my
numerous ex's came over to my parents home. I hadn't seen
him in over four years, but as soon as i did I was like
that school girl all over again! He had been my love prior
to my fiance. Don't get me wrong, there were many guys in
between, but none had ever compared to him. He had been
my " one". As the days advanced, said ex( lets call him
Lee ) and I became closer and closer. As days turned into
weeks, we were spending all of our time together. We had
just barely decided to be a couple again when we moved into
a place of our own! Things moved fairly quickly as you can Roughly two months after the move we found out
that I was pregnant with my first child, a little boy. We
were then married, and that my dear friends is as far as I
have gotten on that topic. That said, Orion and I are
still very close friends.
To add yet another twist,
Orion is sort of in an "on and off again" relationship with
Lee's sister who happens to be one of my present closer
friends. This all makes for a streesful day. I have to
try to talk to Orion about his feelings for Lee's sister,
talk to Lee's sister about how she loves him but feels that
he is keeping something from her ,
and balance this with my family life. Apparently I am in a
soap opera especially written for me...I have always hated
However it is like drama just follows me,ME, one of the
most undramatic unemotional people that I have ever
known. So be it.

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