purple star

Never once spoken
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2004-01-23 07:20:53 (UTC)

tick tick tick

alright so it is 2am and i have not written my paper yet.
i have just finished going through all of the articles that
i had to read to gather information. good news is: paper
is due at noon and i got louisa to work for me at lunch
tomorrow. hopefully she will come through, or i am
definately fired. ive been instructed to call her at 8am
to wake her up and make sure she gets moving. which, i
will do gladly. i will be up anyway.

i had a panic attack. so that put a kink in the paper
process. i hate that. its always at the most inopportune
time.... of course it is though. thats why its a panic
attack. just too much stress on my head. i would be dead
now if i had that other class too. good lord. so that
will be one to talk to the doc about on monday. maybe the
medicine needs to be upped? or changed?? ugh. i hate
taking medicine. its my failure complex i guess. wow i
will be so relieved this time tomorrow. even twelve hours
from now. tomorrow night i want to go out and celebrate...
its the last night i can go out before school starts cuz we
have our work meeting on saturday. booooo. let the
screaming begin :/ yuckie.

well last night was interesting.... so josh takes pills
sometimes. *cough*cough*flashback*cough*cough* so im not
putting myself in that position again. i am not a
babysitter, nor do i want to be one. however, ashley did
point out to me that we both did it not too terribly long
ago.... drank and took pills. so i guess those in glass
houses..... but its not a regular thing with me... actually
i will never do that again. it was partially a mistake...
although i guess on some level it wasnt. who the fuck am i
to judge? oh well. i just dont want to be back where i
was a year and a half ago. i have grown so much since
then. and changed. which brings me to:

i havent been up there since last february. and im going
in two weeks. im nervous about who i may see.... but its
out of my control and im going to support aj and his band.
and develop my portfolio a bit. plus skrewloose is
playing. i havent heard them in years... it was 3 and a
half years ago. damn. thats a long time. doesnt seem
that long. well, since i cant focus on this paper anymore
thanks to my insanity... im going to bed for a few hours.
four hours is good. i can nap when i get home from taking
my paper up to towson. i dont work now till 4:45. good
for me :) maybe i will try to get the intro and reference
pages done tonight then go to bed by 3. we will see. the
intro is almost done anyway. ok stop. goodnight.