2004-01-23 02:57:47 (UTC)

To My Hero

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wastin my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
and you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing last for ever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

You didn't come home from work last night. Where were
you? At your office for over 24 hours? I would love to
believe that, but I am having a little trouble. You come
from work late close to every night around 12. You have
that much work? And brining your work home to do on the
weekends, may I ask why you don't get it done those nights
at the office you spend until the morning hours? I am sorry
but I am curious. I am sorry I am looking out for my
mother, and myself. No, it wasn't an accident, I left Erin
out for a reason, in my eyes, she is no longer my sister.
She screwed me over and hates me, and she is screwing the
family over just as much as you are. But you want to know
what, I do not care anymore. Fuck you. I busted my ass my
whole fucking life to please you and mom. For 8 years I
played the violin and viola, sat there for at least an hour
every nite practicing that damn thing because you made me,
and I never complained because it made you happy, and I
thought you were proud of me. And dancing for 5 years,
playing soccer for 2, and playing tennis my WHOLE life,
playing basketball since the 5th grade. Pushing myself to
the limit in sports, to the point where I broke bones,
sprained this, strained that, crush this bone, fractured
that bone. No appreciation. Never after a tennis match, or
basketball game (esp. in my high school career)where I did
bad in my eyes, and cried on the way home, did I ever hear
a "Kelly, you did wonderful and you always will, I am so
proud of you" I got a "suck it up, you don't sound like an
athlete, I never want to hear that from you again." And
this year, when I had to give up basketball because of my
knees, the sport I have loved my whole life, and the sport
I have worked so hard to excel in the past 3 years
especially, I just had to drop. You were dissapointed, you
never admitted it, but I could just see it in your eyes. In
your opinion, I was a failure, a quitter. Never ever again
am I doing anything in my life to please you, because you
don't care. Why should I try and make you happy when you
don't give a rats ass about you making me happy. I am
done. And by the way, never again, try and tell me what to
do around the house, never tell me I sleep too much, never
tell me to pick up or anything, because you don't do jack
shit. Because your at the "office" all DAY and NIGHT. So
in conclusion, I am pretty much saying, stay out of my
fucking life.

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