Static

Hate
2004-01-22 17:06:39 (UTC)

Take it, whatever it is, and run far away from me.

Im back again...i dunno, i just want to write something...i
feel so alone, if i type or write things i almost feel like
im talking to someone important, telling them what i feel.
I dunno why I hate myself so much, i wish i could get over
the pain i always feel. I dont want attension, i dont like
tlakiong to these people, i dont like being around
them....but no matter how many people your around your
still alone, still by yourself and not one person is
willing to be by your side, not one is willing to look at
you and see you for who you really are, not judge you on
what you say and act like....though that is reasonable, why
cant we all just, i dunno...get along? why cant I just be
fucking happy? why cant people just go away...but why cant
they just come closer? All i seem to want is one person but
i can thave them...not ever again. They made/make me so
happy....made me so grateful to even be alive. But what is
there to live for anymore? do i live for family? do i live
for friends i dont have? do i live for a future i know
nothing about? why do i live, why do i still stay here with
this? i have no choice...thats why. Have no choice but to
be trapped in my head, just be trapped in my fucking
thoughts all the time. how many times do i have to tell it
to myself? I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY! away from everything.
i wish i could paint my emotions on a canvas for you all to
see. i wish i could sell it so i wouldnt have it
anymore....but who wants it? no one. atleast the person i
want it to go to will never even look at it. am i selfish?
Ive always wanted them to be happy...but i have to
admitt...i want to be happy too because im tired of all the
things i feel. i can never let it go...but then i ask
myself, do i want to let this go?




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