2004-01-21 00:43:10 (UTC)

moving on from my scumbag lovin ways

from the lst to the 8th, i was in italy. with marco. i feel
like a record of that should be here somewhere,
that was only, not even, two weeks ago and when i talk to
him, i want him so deparately to be here. when im not
talking to him, like now, its ok. sometimes i think it
really IS still a game. or we would miss eachother
constantly wouldnt we? sometimes i think the pain of being
away from him is unbearable and this will never EVER work
and sometimes i dont really feel much at all. what i always
feel for him is gratitude, for consistantly being a
wonderful friend, i feel endearment, arousal. things like

i currently have a huge crush on a boy. one that lives in
my neighborhood no less. im sure im too fat for him.(thats
the spirit, sara!) but he is a through and through good
maybe i am slowly moving up in the world of men? maybe i am
finally growing out of my scumbag loving ways?
moving on from the cheaters and the alchies adn the
unrequiteds to people like M, who would do anything to work
things out, and C,