Srchin4mybreathoflife

Wishin' on some long lost star
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2004-01-20 22:55:28 (UTC)

Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out

1-20-04
So last night really stunk for me... I mean, ok it all
started out as a nice family dinner thing... My parents had
ordered chinese food (which by the way i ate the leftovers
of for breakfast this morning... maybe that's why i was so
beserk today) and we all sat down and were eating it and
talking, and we were watching 7th Heaven... And so like 10
minutes from the end of the show, i stand up too quickly
and flip my milk glass onto the sofa and i attempt to clean
it up to the best of my ability before running into the
kitchen to get more stuff to clean it up with. And then my
parents flip out and start yelling and cussing and hitting
and i'm just like what did i do? i don't even understand it
anymore... they currently think i'm depressed because of i
don't even know why, and i have to be really really careful
now adays, because if i'm not then they will send me off to
the neverending line of psychologists and shrinks who poke
me and prod me and attempt to "relate" to my life and then
ask me the same question over and over "how do you feel
about that?" and i'm just like GET OUT OF MY LIFE YOU DON'T
CARE AND YOU'RE ONLY HERE CUZ UR GETTING PAID! And like i
tell you guys this and you nod sympathetically, but the
only person who really knows how much of a Hell that is for
me is Sidney... Who i'm not supposed to be in contact with
as per what my parents say... who is one of my best
friends... who i called sobbing last night because i
couldn't get through to other people, and i don't
understand what i do wrong anymore... It's negative
reinforcement really, i do something wrong, my parents yell
and scream and throw a fit and hit and hurt... and then
they expect everything to be ok after that... i don't get
it at all...
Living in your world
Days and months passed
Habits and attitudes unchanged
In presence of hurt
Our relationship remained
Hanging on was tough
Tougher than I thought
Feelings and emotions unspoken
To no point of return
Ever since my departure
I experienced true freedom
Without fear and misery
My life is going steady
I’m not the girl you hope I was
But I did all I could for you
And got caught up with this new “image”
Till I was blinded by what I knew.
I reckon it doesn’t matter now
where fantasies are just like dreams
A speck of dust
Only to be gently blown in a swift
We never did grew up
And love was never experienced
Just a matter of fact
It feels like a long nightmare
It’s time to move on in life
To slowly appreciate the beauty around
Where much was lost and gone
I’m glad I’m finally moving on.

Job 18:5
"The lamp of the wicked is snuffed out; the flame of his
fire stops burning.
Proverbs 6:27
Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being
burned?
~*Clara


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