Book of Suicide
2004-01-20 18:21:09 (UTC)

J 12/24/03

11:53 am

lonliness is such an intricate emotional enigma. you want
acceptance so badly that you are willing to throw yourself
at the feet of any other emotion in an attempt to fill that
gaping blackhole inside of yourself. it becomes such a
familiar state of mind. after endless years of lonliness,
where a person only dreams of mutual love, someone wants
him/her too. it's scary. it's terrifying, because no
matter how long you've thought and dreamt of it, you don't
know what to do when it really happens. You just freeze up
in confusion, fumbling back to other emotions to "save"
yourself, when what you're really doing is pushing them
away; they don't think you're interested. it becomes a
game of come here, come here, come here, go away, go away,
go away. i don't think i'll ever fully understand
lonliness, though i feel it constantly...