fancy

champagne supernova
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2004-01-20 05:57:19 (UTC)

decision

some of you read an entry i had a while ago that was pretty
strongly worded about my relationship with bobby. i erased
it, although a few people read it. and i was angry when i
read it and had been thinking to much. it was wrong of me
to write those things i did and i do apologize for it.

and it freaked out a few people like carrera because she
knows bobby and she knew i wasnt thinking straight when i
said those things. and i knew i wasnt either. but i have
been thinking straight for a few weeks about something. and
its due to the fact that bobby and i are so young and have
so much life ahead of us. and he has recently made some
really bad choices about how to communicate to me in our
relationship, and he knows its going to take awhile to earn
my trust back. and god willing he is trying. and i love him
for that. so considering he is in the midst of trying to
get his life back on track he dosnt really have a lot of
time for me right now in his life. and i understand that.
his mane focus has to be school, graduation, and what he is
going to do after high school. and like i said, with all of
this,its hard for us to keep things going right now.

it is a rough spot, but a good one that i think came to
us for a reason. and i think that reason is for us to have
some time apart and figure out what we need to do. on his
level he needs it to figure out all that school stuff and
what he wants to do with his life. on my level i need it to
figure out where i want to end up. i need to be my own
person and find out who i am and what i really want in
life, and if he really is it for me. none of this means i
love him any less. god knows i do. him and i just have to
take this time to figure out the big picture, if we are
really it for each other. and if that means that i got out
on the first day, and go on one date, or on our first break
day relize, what the hell am i doing? then thats what it is
gonna take for me, and thats all, ill be done. but i need
this and i feel he does to. i truly feel in my heart
tho we need to live. he needs to get out and find what he
needs and i need to do the same. but i know we need this.

im gonna see if he is feeling this to tomorrow. i dont
know if he is, but we'll find out. i've been thinking about
this ever since i got home, and even more so when he lied
to me again.i truly feel this is something we need. my
heart is telling me its right. wish me luck

fancy*


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