2004-01-19 23:59:50 (UTC)

lets try this

i was just taking a shit and read this article in vanity
fair about Viggo Mortenson who is my new favorite man.
beautiful, spiritual, searching for the good in everything.
attraction aside, what i want to be.

the way i have been, I dont want to be this way. This is
not me. I am not depressesed and sad and resentful and
petty and selfish and ugh. no. this is not me.

i am italy sara

i have to talk to rita soon. im scared to call her. if she
wont talk to me, i dont know what i'll do. i can only go as
far as calling her and talking to her and meeting her
halfway. i dont think i can do anything else.

its funny, how so much of things, is politeness. tone of
voice. choice of words. playing it cool. its not what you
say but how you say it. isnt that ridiculous? but i guess
thats what respect is?

marco tries to keep me happy. i collapse on him all the
time. just cause i can. and whatever he says to the
contrary, i have to stop doing that. collapsing on him and
collapsing in general. im going to play with my
perspective. im going to be ok. and it wont be so hard.