psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2004-01-19 23:58:39 (UTC)

always some reason to feel not good enough,

and its hard at the end of the day...

so my doctor gave me the option of doing an ultrasound, but
he said very likely they will say after that i still have
to have the surgery, and no i will not be able to get
pregnant.

so thats special. not really sure what to say about that
right now.

SCORPIO - You think a situation is about others, but it's
really about you. Personal inventory will help you to avoid
wasted time.

thats nice. everythings about me. and what i have or
havent done to fuck things up. I JUST WANT A BABY. and a
girlfriend. what the FUCK is the problem, i just have all
this love and NO ONE FUCKING WANTS IT.

trying to pick a school.. im going to pensacola this
weekend or next to check it out, i hear its really pretty
there and the school is supposed to be good. its like
eight hours away from here, which is okay, cus if i decide
to leave, its cus i have no reason to stay, and if i have
no reason to stay, i have no reason to be near.

tallahassee is another option, but just for four years or
until i get my masters, they dont offer a phd in psych.

i dont know. i dont fucking know anything. i hate making
any kind of decision ever. when i dropped off my
prescriptions, the girls like "when do you want to pick
them up" and i said i dont care, any time tonight. and
shes like well, when. WHENEVER BITCH, cant YOU tell ME
when they'll be ready and then i'll come?!

i hate making decisions, was the moral of the story i
think. because they're always wrong. i'll have to decide
if i want to have this surgery done, why cant they just
fucking tell me, you HAVE to do it or you can do this
instead. why does it have to be, live a normal healthy
life OR have a baby? i dont think my dreams and goals and
hopes and wishes are that fucking out of the ordinary, i
dont think its so much to fucking ask from life. one day
without crying, even thats too much to ask?? WHAT THE
FUCK. I HATE DECISIONS. I HATE DECISIONS AND I HATE
DOCTORS AND I HATE DIANA AND I HATE EVERYTHING THAT STARTS
WITH D.




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