Matt's Sex Journal
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2004-01-19 09:34:23 (UTC)

Another Update

Last semester has ended, and a new one has begun. The
biggest thing going on with my life right now is Emily and
just like the last entry, I'll talk about her at the end.

Here's a little rundown of everything else:

I ended up dropping that British Lit class I complained
about last time. I'm retaking it this semester with a
better teacher and I'm actually excited for it. Writing 340
turned about to be a ton of work as expected, but I was
happy to escape with a B minus. I got a a B in Creative
Writing and passed Oceanography. It actually was my best
GPA ever in college.

This semester I'm taking 4 English classes. Intro to
Poetry, Fiction Writing, Brit Lit, and Literature and
Society. This is gonna be a semester filled to the brim
with nothing but reading and writing A TON! My booklist is
fucking kickass though. I don't think I've ever been this
excited to read in my life. The only class I'm not very
excited about it Poetry, but whatever, I can handle it.

Last semester I unsuccessfully ran for an E-Board position.
I was pretty mad about that, but now I'm over it because I
got appointed Membership Development Director. I'm in
charge of the entire pledge program for the this semester
and the next. It's gonna be very demanding and fun.

Phew, this is such a hot topic right now. It's really a hot
topic, it's just a big one. Emily and I dated for two
months after invite last semester. I was very much into
her, a little bit too much. I had the feeling that we were
a couple very early in the relationship. This freaked her
out, naturally. So we just remained dating for a while
until she finally DTR'ed me the night of her invite. That
was November 15/16. I put the slash there because the
invite was Friday night, but we didn't make it official
until after midnight. So yeah, after about 2 months of
exclusive dating we became an item. However, it didn't
really change how much we saw of each other.

You see, Emily is a very busy girl. At that time, she was
her sorority's treasurer, had a full class load, was in
some campus organization whose name escapes me, and helped
run an independent college life magazine. I pretty much
only saw her on the weekends, whenever there was a party or
an invite. I figured that we would be able to handle this.
Maybe things would change next semester. I had a positive
outlook for us, call me an optimist.

We had a lot going for us heading into winter break: she
was gonna come visit me in San Diego and then we were gonna
celebrate New Year's in LA, then go to the Rose Bowl
together. Those few days we spent together were amazing. It
was just me and her the whole time. There was no sorority
or extra curricular obligations, no worries at all. I had
her all to myself and I felt so good the whole time. I
seriously was the happiest guy in the world. We spent
pretty much every waking moment together and it all was
bliss. We didn't get into a fight or get sick of each other
at all. When she finally left I couldn't wait for the
semester to start again because that inevitably meant more

Now, we're one week into the semester and tonight we came
excruciatingly close to breaking up already. This past week
was fucking hellish. Now that Emily is president of her
sorority and the magazine is close to being published, she
barely has time for me. I should have saw it coming and not
gotten so greedy, but I was flying so high from the time we
spent together over break I couldn't see the reality of the
situation. On Monday night, she came over for about 30
minutes then left for magazine stuff. Her visit on Tuesday
night was barely an hour. On Wednesday she imed me telling
me she would definitely hang out, but again she blew me off
for the magazine. I waited up from 10 until like 2 in the
morning for her. She again promised she would see me the
next night. This is where I started to lose my patience.

I just had my heart set on seeing her. On Tuesday, she said
she might even be able to spend the night on Wednesday, but
when she called me at 2 she wasn't even finished working
and pretty much just wanted to come over to say hi. I told
her to not even bother because I saw no point in her doing
that. Like I said before, she promised to see me on

We were having a pre rush party that night, but I was too
distracted with Emily to care. She got out of class at 10,
so I figured she'd call me sometime after that and then
come over. That didn't happpen, so I started getting
pissed. At the party, some people kept on asking me where
she was and I kind of snapped at them. I couldn't take it
anymore so I locked myself in my room and called her.

After a while I got a hold of her; she was walking down the
Row after going to the 9-0. I wasn't mad about this. What I
was mad about was the fact that she didn't call me to tell
me. She knows that I wanna see her very, very badly and
doesn't let me know where she's gonna be. If she had told
me, I wouldn't have been so mopey and snappy at the party
since I knew where she was. On the phone, I kind of laid a
guilt trip on her by sounding sad and telling her that I
really wanted to see her. She showed up pretty quickly,
I'll give her that. As soon as the other girls left, I held
her in my arms and told her how glad I was to see her. We
hooked up for a little while then of course she had to
leave. I felt a lot better, though.

On Friday night I picked her up and she was very drunk. She
went out with the old exec board and just got trashed. In
retrospect, I should have just let her pass out at her
place because all she did over here was fall asleep and not
even let me cuddle with her. Oh, my roommate Kevin and his
girlfriend came back early from a date dash, which didn't
help either. This night was pretty much a total waste.

Saturday, yesterday, we were supposed to go on a date. At
the very least, see a movie. Around 4, she calls me to say
that an 8 o'clock movie would be best. I agreed and told
her I'd call her later with the details. I called at like
6:30 or so tell her that I'd pick her up around 7:30. I got
her voice mail so I just left a message. I expected a call
back fairly soon letting me know if that was ok or not. She
didn't call me back, so I called her again at 7. My call
went straight to voice mail, so I just thought she had no
service somewhere in her house. My logic was to keep
calling and hopefully I'll catch her when she has service.
I called her pretty much non-stop from 7 til 10. I was
dressed and ready for the date, expecting her call or catch
her at any minute. I just sat and moped for a good two

She finally called me, and guess what, her phone was dead
and she was busy with the fucking magazine. I was so
goddamn pissed. It was too late for us to go to a movie; my
whole night was ruined. She said to come over and then we'd
figure something out. I said ok and got changed into non-
date clothes. She called 2 minutes later and suggested I
bring a movie for us to watch in the den, with her roommate
Alice. It didn't dawn on me at the time what a load of crap
that was, but I did it anyway because I wanted to see her.

What follows is what could have been the beginning of the
end for us. I arrive at the house and the first thing we do
is go to a coffee shop for some snacks with her roommate.
While Alice is away I drop little subtleties to Emily that
I'm a little perturbed. We get back to her house then sit
down for the movie. After 5 minutes some of her friends get
back from a bar. They're loaded beyond belief and order all
of us to come to one of their apartments to drink and hang
out. We head on over and it's me hanging out with 4 chicks.
I started to get even more pissed here. This wasn't exactly
my idea of a fun Saturday with my girlfriend. All these
girls did was look through an issue of US Weekly and
comment on all the fashion bullshit in it. A little before
1, we left. Since I had pretty much spent no time alone
with her, I asked her if she could stay at my place.

This didn't sit well with her. We kind of got into a fight
outisde the back door of her house. All I wanted was to
spend some time with her, but she kept on bringing up how
she doesn't have any time. I let her know how I didn't mind
that. Like I said before, what really irks me is that I
never know ahead of time what her status is. I could have
done any number of things instead of sit by the phone
waiting for her call. I left her on pretty bad terms.

I came home and cried. Roupen consoled me. I still was very
pissed off and left an away message proclaiming that. She
saw it and called me this afternoon about it. She said we
should talk later. I agreed and readied myself for the
worst. I picked her up and took her to the pantry. I
figured a neutral place like that would be best for
whatever happened.

We start talking...yadda yadda yadda. It pretty much was
the same as last night, but now she seemed pretty much hell
bent on breaking up with me. She didn't think it was worth
it for us to have a relationship when we saw each other so
little. She also didn't wanna see me hurt. I almost threw
up on her I was so shocked. I knew things were rough, but I
didn't think she wanted to throw in the towel so fucking

I knew I did not wanna break up with her. Seriously, this I
knew for sure. I now needed to convince her that she didn't
want to either. After some prodding, I got her to agree
that we shouldn't break up. I basically told her it
wouldn't be right to stop seeing each other after just one
bad week. I said we should wait longer until we're both
settled in. I told her also that it seems like I have so
much more time in comparison because I haven't even started
as MDD yet. When that starts in a few weeks, I'll be a
whole lot more busy and I won't even have time to think
about her sometimes.

So, as of right now, we are still a couple. That's right, I
still have a girlfriend. Things aren't gonna get much
better, though. If I really wanna stay with her (which I'm
pretty sure I do), I'm gonna have to learn to deal with her
timelessness. It's either that or break up with her. Right
now, I think I'll be able to handle it. But who knows what
will happen later. I'll keep you posted...


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