2004-01-19 01:18:42 (UTC)

what a day what a night what a screwed up sit

well if any of u actually attempt to understand mine and
ryans relationship ur nuts... well anyways recently i had
broken the news to ryan my b/f that i wanted to be single
for a little while or take a break because ive been having
feeligns like that plus i totally dig this other guy but im
not telling him that because thats nothing to do with it...
but im not saying it helps lol but anyways he wasnt taken
it to well however we r still together somehow and im
stupid because i have had so many chances to end it but its
hard because i love him and i dont want to loose him
forever and i know it sounds fucked up because it is but
anyways i have tryed but i always get sob stories then im
talking to him and looking him in the face and its so hard
and omg im just so messed up in this hold thing!!!!! but
anyways i had a great time with my friends the other night
being last night and today it was awesome and they made me
forget about the whole ryan deal for the night and i had a
blast and i owe bunches to all of them cause i love u
all... just each in a different way lol
well moving on from that
have u ever been so close to wanting something that its
right there and u can taste it, feel it, hold it, touch it
and everything but deep down u know u cant have it? well
that feeling sucks when the reality of knowing u cant have
it comes into play!!!!!! even having it in one way maybe
not be enough and jess i think u'd understand that the
most :o) but i guess i dont want to get to detailed today
because well anyone who i care to know prob already
knows... lol jk i just am extremely tired because i havent
slept for like 2 days or ate for like a day and a hlaf so
im starved to so im gonna go get some food and get some
sleep and ill catch everyone on the flip side and ill keep
my message for a smile:o)
::::::: to hold is not to have to have is not to own and to
own is not to be forgotten::::::::::